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Tuesday 20 August 2019
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Kitchen Chronicles

“Baby you’re the perfect shape, baby you’re the perfect weight …“ Robin Thicke said it best in that iconic song. “I am lost without you, can’t help myself, how does it feel to know that I love you…?”

Today as I am contemplating dealing with this brisket, I wonder how does one really get to the point where you feel that way (permanently) about a person and are there factors that are deal-breakers, physically when we choose life partners?

In a perfect world we would all go through life in ‘bird box’ fashion, thereby getting to know the personality and soul of a person and where their physical appearance doesn’t even come into play in your dealings with them.

In the real world though, we have sadly been so indoctrinated with what constitutes as normal, that it is often hard for us to even contemplate seeing someone whom we consider to be ‘abnormal’ as a potential partner, let alone life partner.

Now let me sketch a scenario: you get a DM from a profile without a picture. After some haggling you begin to chat with this stranger.

Fast forward, it’s 9 months later and you all are ready to meet, ‘cause the feelings are real. You’ve gone from blue ticks to chatting all day every day.

Three months into it, you began to accept that dude is just not into photographs, to the point where you haven’t even face timed.

It was definitely a red flag but you enjoyed the company and then you caught feelings and you guys are going to meet now anyway, so you’d take your pictures together…

The morning of the evening of your flight you get a message saying “please be ready to accept me as I am,” and all you’re thinking is ‘I have been ready’.

So now here you go, flights paid, accommodation paid, and your heart is literally in your stomach because the nerves have got you and you can’t contain yourself.

You get off your flight, go through customs and look around for your name that your ‘loml’ is holding up for you and you see that the person holding it up, way up, is a little person.

A small person. A dwarf.

Since you have never really seen your ‘loml’ before you walk up to this guy cautiously and you say hey.. And he says your name, and the minute you hear his voice you know it’s him. What do you do?

You have never been in a situation where you had to bend down to hug an adult, and although you are shocked and dismayed and maybe a little angry that he had never told you before, this is also still the person you felt strongly enough about to share expenses and make plans to meet up with.

So, you are now stuck with dealing with the fact that you have been lied to for a considerable amount of time and the fact that you care about this person. What do you do?

Do you listen to the explanations of why this very important information was never shared, do you go straight to the counter and book the quickest return flight?

Do you cry into your hands, and not the tears of joy you had been anticipating?

Do you stand awkwardly glancing around, wondering who is looking at you funny?

Or do you do the kind thing and bend down to hug him?

I use this example to illustrate how as people we box ourselves into situations that we are used to and shy away from the unknown, whereby we totally ignore, vilify and otherwise ostracise what is not known to us, thereby limiting ourselves from perhaps finding what could bring us happiness in an unfamiliar package.
The world is evolving so much that we are accepting people with all sorts of ‘disabilities’ and we are calling out everyone who had the audacity to shame or discriminate against people with those disabilities, yet when it comes to our ‘preferences’ we shut down and shut out those very people whom we would very easily publicly advocate for.

Can we stop being hypocritical?

Does a small person have less capacity to love?

Does a person with albinism have less ability to go out and do the job that anybody else can do?

Does vitiligo cripple its carrier from being able to bear children or raise a family?

Does autism, downs syndrome, any of those ‘disabilities’ limit a person from being a human being, worthy of love and passion and compassion?

Now granted, for the average person it would probably take a minute to get used to the notion of entering into a relationship especially a romantic one with someone who is different from what we are used to and what we have conditioned ourselves to believe is acceptable.

Let’s do better by ourselves and by the next generation that we are responsible for.

Let’s teach them that indeed love is love, in all its shapes, shades and colours. Let’s teach them that everybody is special.

Not differently special but equally special even with all our differences.

Let’s make a concerted effort to be inclusive in our speech and in our interactions. Let’s leave society better than we found it. For all our sakes.

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