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Tuesday 18 June 2019
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Heartbreak hotel

So here I sit, peeling vegetables from scratch because that is how I was taught you start proper Kaapse soup. Lotta onion, couple of potato, radish, leeks, whole parsley, carrot, split peas and semels (if you know, you know). And most important ingredient of all, sop bene. But like meaty ones, you know? The kind with nice marrow and that the kids keep dunking back into their bowl when they’re done, because that is about the only time they are allowed to ‘play’ with their food.

I have always found it fascinating how sounds, smells, activities can conjure up memories of particular events or situation that we’ve been in.

These smells remind me of cold, rainy, bleak days in a different country.

Days when the one thing that would bring you warmth from the inside is that soup and the memories it comes with warms your soul.

There is nothing better than being in the house where that pot is boiling away gently, the steam flitting through the air, creating a warm cocoon from the cold right outside the doors, and allowing your thoughts to wander to a happy time.

Recent or distant; either way, when you are feeling that warmth, every pleasant thought you have takes on a dream-like quality and in the way that the brain sometimes does, it adds a soundtrack to whatever particular experience you might be reliving in that moment.

Now, if your mind is as active as most, any intrusion into your musings will not be met gladly. In fact, if you are like me, those interruptions are met with utmost derision, no matter who the perpetrator is. Unless the interuptee is the centre of your musings. Then you can will probably turn red in the face. Fortunately the heat from the cooking can be blamed.

All this thinking has led me to ponder on this one, very important question. One that I think we ask ourselves at least 10 times in our lifetimes at crucial intersections of our lives.

What is it that women want in a man?

From a woman’s perspective, I’ll tell you right now that we really, actually don’t want much; but the things we do want are crucial.

First off, you have got to know that looks are not everything to women.

I mean, it’s always nice when you’re with a good-looking somebody, but that means nothing if the only thing he has is looks.

Personality is key.

Being a fun person to be around, is all you need sometimes. We want someone who we can be ourselves around, someone who can make us laugh, someone who we can play with, and someone to take us fishing, or racing, (or who can take the trash out every once in a while).

Girls might fall in love with looks, but women?, women fall in love with personality.

Next is honesty.

For some reason guys have this (not so) bright idea that lying and hiding things will help a situation. Pro tip: It won’t. Lying just makes things worse for everyone. We just want the truth, even if it’s not nice. Simple.

Also, we want you to be kind and caring to us.

We absolutely love the sweet, corny guys. (Like love, love). There is a limit to this of course. Sure, we want you to show us off and show that you care, but don’t be clingy about it. We need space just as much as y’all do, maybe more sometimes.

Another thing is security; very important.

We just want to feel safe around you. We don’t want to feel like we’re in danger and have to watch our backs all the time. Also, if there is ever a tricky situation we want to know that you would protect us. Don’t just leave us in a dangerous situation. (This should be obvious).

The most important thing is loyalty.

We want a guy who is going to be faithful. There is no other way to put it, frankly. It’s so off-putting when a guy can’t be faithful, especially to someone he supposedly cares about. We want a man that is going to put us before everyone else and let them know that we are who he cares about. If you can’t do that, you can’t ever expect me to be happy and giddy in the relationship.

You have to be able to have fun. Very, very important.

We don’t want a guy who never wants to go out or never wants to do anything. We get that you like to watch your soccer or play your video games and most of us will sit there and play with you, too. The thing is we also like to do other stuff.

Don’t be scared to have adventures with us and for the love of all that is holy, don’t be scared to open up with us. It would surprise you how the little things are more important than the (seemingly) big things.

Now please just be yourself and go after that girl you’re tryina impress.
Life is too short for regrets.
Anyway, grub’s up!




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