Saturday 17 April 2021
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Age is what?

“Thing is, I haven’t always ‘gone’ for younger men, I carry a light personality, I wouldn’t say I’m ‘fun’ in the way we might associate its meaning with young people, however I still like to do fun things. I still enjoy going out dancing with my girls once in a while and enjoying a mature glass of good champagne, attending concerts, exhibitions and socialising. Society associates these traits as for young people but I call it freedom – to express oneself in its totality and not conform to the constructs of society.  These spaces are full of people of all ages, cultures, races etc. and although I’m very picky, once in a blue moon, a friendship develops.”

If you’re a younger man or women looking to date an older person, then you will know that there is truth in the old adage that age is just a number.

The Lounge had a chat with “Trixie” who is 40 and dating a 33 year old, although she says the word dating “is so old-fashioned.”

Relationships that go across the generation barrier are no longer such a social taboo as they once were and couples with substantial age differences are springing literally up all over the place.

But what can a younger person expect if they do find love with an older one? Here are some things you might need to know.

When dating older, it’s important to bear in mind that you most probably are at very different stages in your lives. You might still be establishing your career, or sharing a flat, or saving up to go travelling. (S)he, on the other hand, may already be settled, financially secure, maybe even a parent.

Trixie and her partner have been dating for 4 years and they seem to be making it work although at first she had some misgivings; her partner did not.

This doesn’t apply to everyone, of course. But, if you are living a different lifestyle to the person you’re dating, it could possibly lead to conflict. Try to establish what you’re both looking for from the relationship in the early days, so you can be sure you want the same things.

If having a family is important to you, then this is something to consider when dating an older person. They may already have children, which will bring its own challenges as well as rewards.
Children will restrict spontaneity and you probably won’t always be the priority in her life and they may not want to have more children with you.
Older women are not called cougars for nothing! Women reach their sexual peak later in life, so an older woman and younger man may find that they’re perfectly in sync sexually. They tend to know what they want, so be prepared for her to tell you.

Forget about playing games. Older partners have probably been around the block a few times and will know what they will want and don’t want, tolerate or won’t, and won’t be afraid to say so.

Common values and personality traits are things that matter most when it comes to compatibility long-term but shared interests do also play a part.

“To be honest, my partner has all the qualities I generally admire in a male partner; loyalty, sharp intellect, attentive, hard-working, a relaxed attitude about life, confidence and self-awareness – he just happens to be seven years younger yet this has been the most fulfilling relationship of my life!”

Ageing and health concerns are probably not a concern for the younger partner in a relationship but if you are looking at long-term it will have to be something to consider.

Should your partner retire while you still face years of working, how would that sit with you? Would you be okay with caring for your older partner instead of perhaps travelling after your own retirement? Realistically one would sacrifice a lot for the person you care about, but it is important that one looks at every aspect and has an honest introspection about these questions.

Not every older person is looking for a long-term relationship with a younger one and they might just looking for a fling with someone who isn’t looking for something serious either.

If your intentions for dating older are sincere, you shouldn’t have a problem. They’ll appreciate you for who you really are and will be honest with you too.

Trixie had never seen herself as dating younger,  but being with her current partner has taught her that the “silly fairy tale images” were constructs and constraints of our own minds and that there is no such thing as a perfect guy.

Age can be a big deal for many (particularly) women, some of whom vow to never date younger because of the preconceived conception that younger is dumber.  This is not always the case though as people find and for in love for a myriad of reasons.

Jonnathan Mukwevho’s last relationship was with a woman 15 years older. “I still care about her deeply and we keep in touch. We broke up for reasons other than us ‘falling out of love.”

Mukwevho says he fell for the personality his ex has, her love of life, her kindness and the fact that she is a loving and caring mother, factors he picked up and appreciated even before they become a couple. “Her maturity, life experience and the fact that she never made me feel unequal or beneath her is what kept me in the relationship and why under different circumstances I would have never let her go.”

“We aren’t bothered about our ages, he adds warmth into our home when he visits, is extremely focused on his work passion and we live our life like any other couple,” Trixie concluded.

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