“It’s money that you are getting every month, from someone you are dating or sometimes you not even dating but someone you might have a sort of relationship with,” says Johanna on the subject of getting a girlfriend allowance.
She gets an amount that varies from month to month, but her boyfriend always gives her something.
“When you’re dating, the person that you are dating has to understand that you have needs and wants and that your parents can’t provide for all your needs.”
Girlfriends feel that because they perform ‘wifely duties’ there should be remuneration for their efforts since their duties include cooking, cleaning, washing and yes, even sex as part of the deal.
“You serve a purpose in your relationship. You deserve some form of payment,” says Johanna.
Mr Moses who is a happily married young man asks, “how are you a 21st century woman and still subscribe to this kind of submission? This is 2019 where every woman claims to be woke and yet simultaneously conforms to this nonsensical behaviour.”
Moses questions whether we are a society where a man provides and a woman is supposed to nurture and asks is the concept of a girlfriend allowance not echoing the model of a mother and father in a societal structure that maintains a patriarchal approach?
“Society has an obsession with material things,” he says. “It becomes centre stage in a relationship, because provision or giving by a man is in the form of money.
In a way, the 21st Century woman feeds the monster. What you are actually saying is, you are such a man and you can dictate terms and I’m such a women therefore I will submit.”
He says that this exercises control over the girlfriend meaning because the man pays he can dictate whom you can meet, when and why.
As a women it’s no longer about the attention or kisses you receive from your boyfriend but how much you can earn, doesn’t that make it prostitution?
“Before it wasn’t a real thing. I would tell him when I wanted something and then he would make it happen. But as time went by it turned into the whole girlfriend allowance thing,” says Susan.*
These days she receives a set amount every month. Even though Susan receives a monthly allowance, if she blows the money her boyfriend will give her more.
“It has never been less than 2 000,” says Susan* adding that anything less than 2 000 is not even an allowance but just a tip.
She uses her allowance to buy clothes and other things or she blows it on partying with her friends, weekends away and alcohol, things that make her ‘happy’.
Some men see no problem with this kind of arrangement with one asking “but if they are paying with money from their income and by agreement, what will be wrong with that?”
Another man opined that “during my ‘varsity days there were individuals known to be C-Collectors [Cash, car and cell phones]. It’s a good topic that may link to GBV.”
The concept of girlfriend allowance has become so normalised in society and appears to stem either from the need of men to maintain a modicum or even the façade of control over their partners or from women selling the idea that they need to maintain a certain standard of appearance while dating a said individual, which he has to pay for.
Should the amount which she is pocketing become too little as the lifestyle becomes more enticing, she may go searching for greener pastures which could very well open up a whole different can of worms.
There is a school of thought that the concept of allowances in a relationship came to play when toy boys or Ben10’s were collecting boyfriend allowance from their sugar momma’s and girls followed the trend, making demands for the same from their sugar daddy’s. The rest, is history.