The Lounge had an interesting round table discussion with a few young men about gift ideas for Valentine’s Day and their entire take on the balance between giving and receiving gifts especially on the often dreaded V-Day.
By all accounts men have really upped their game over the last ten years when it comes to giving gifts to their main chick, side chicks, extra chicks and “catch you later-chicks”.
The question now becomes, what do they expect in return and it turns out that men are pretty easy to please.
They want those juicy love notes hidden in coat or trouser pockets, or in their special Valentine’s lunch box, if it falls mid-week, like it did this year. They want the note to spell out what you would do and how you would want to do it to them to make them anticipate the rest of the evening with you. Sounds simple enough.
They want quality time, which falls in line with the previous desire. Life can get busy and often times we do just the bare minimum to get through the days and as those days flow into each other it can become monotonous and predictable. So quality time means that you are focussing on your man, giving him your full attention and concentrating just on him for the time set aside for just that.
Guys obviously take pleasure in romancing their partner(s) and being the natural hunters that they are prefer to be in control of a romancing situation. If there is to be romance happening, they want to set the tone and be in control of that.
Unbeknown to most women, men need positive affirmation at all times. “Tell us what we are doing right and that you like it. Tell us that our efforts make us happy.”
Now, If We Are Talking Gifts . . . (And this is where the conversation got very heated and interesting), it would seem that men prefer to actually not receive gifts from women at all because apparently women tend to give inappropriate gifts or gifts that their partner really has no interest in and then expect a huge return on their mediocre effort.
One of the participants in the conversation, ‘Duks’ told of how he, a Chartered Accountant, received a bow tie last year, while he had gone all out on a previous celebration for this partner, who had even lost their engagement ring.
“You see, f*&^d up S^*t, she buys him a bow tie with his own credit card and in return she wants a trip to the coast, new Peruvian hair, new dress and even a car,” responded MVJ heatedly. He says that he has never heard of a man receiving the kind of treatment that women expect and if any woman were to even buy him a pair of spectacles, he would “wife her immediately ‘cause that’s unheard of in my world.”
Duks confirmed by saying indeed, he had “bought her an A Class while I drive a Peugeot.
The obvious question would then be what kinds of gifts do men want and why are their partners unaware of their preferences?
Is it a lack of communication or a fear of coming across as vulnerable to their partners by admitting that there are things that they as men desire?
Said Jonathan “Vulnerability, let’s not talk about scary situations. I can’t have such.”
MVJ says that “I just think men in general have been compromised for far too long. And they’ve accepted that status quo. Sad, when you try to let people unlearn and relearn you are viewed as a not-so-romantic type.”
At The Lounge we accept that opinion however we cannot verify it. During the course of a relationship partners ‘learn’ each other and teach each other what their expectations, likes and interests are.
Surely if as a lady you expect bae to know that you prefer Peruvian hair over Brazilian, you should know that he prefers Lacoste over Timberlands and when V-day comes around you get the dude what he would appreciate and keep the relationship fires burning.
Ladies, pay attention to what your partner is passionate about and what he is interested in and gift him accordingly, or you may find that those fires burn out quickly and you are stuck in a situation where are just one in a line of ‘x-chicks’ who receive average attention and average gifts.