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Thursday 21 March 2019
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Things we are leaving behind in 2018

It’s not been a long year. That’s a lie because the year has had the same number of days since Nujoma and Pohamba left office. One is now fighting gout and the other is still causing those who can mind their business sleepless nights.

But as much as 2018 will be the past, I do not want to us to dwell on good fossil who don’t give a damn about who we insult or tell shit about because they have their bedrooms at Heroes Acre already ventilated from the day we are told there was another one who fought for our freedom.

Swapo and Swartbooi: Shawapo has done this country more damage than Jesus could have done had he named female disciples. Since many people will think we cannot leave Swapo behind, I propose we at least leave behind Utoni Nujoma and the two generals who watch porn and play games in parliament. We cannot enter 2018 with comrades who think the country runs on Swapo old paraffin when the rest of us will get nothing but emissions from black gas.

Then we also need to leave that motor-mouth angry child Berry Swartbooi behind. We are fixing the country so we do not want to raise our kids listening to insults with zero substance. That one is not a leader. He is just the guy with the mic.

Sleeping around with no purpose:  There are only five renowned sex traders I know. The rest of you are just in another MyLife Change 247 scam. It’s not my private part but I have a problem that you have turned it into a public Siyaya bus operating with a rented license. I usually do not advice people to go around being good Samaritans with their private parts but if you’re going to do it for money, then do it right. If it’s fun, then your dignity is easily detachable like a VW sign. And no one cares.

Your partner: People without qualifications are successfully managing WhatsApp groups and your partner cannot even take care of a situationship. If you have a boyfriend and again you are headed to the north to be a bridesmaid again, them madam your man is a lay-buy expert. Even side chicks deserve more. I’ve long walk around looking at some of my exes with who we even named our future kids after and planned top-notch weddings. To date, fokol has happened. He is a thief of joy and a blessers of dreams.

Fake winners: I’m speaking about the woman celebrating because they managed to steal another woman’s man. I don’t know who karma is but for sure you will be shown that no one celebrates bitchery. Don’t be too happy because he left her for you. In 2019, he is leaving your shit and this time he will do it himself.

Drinking just because: If you are above 25 and are still excited by the coming of Friday, then we need to talk. We are leaving behind those who drink just because of a day and vibe. I know alcohol has no good in it and as such those who are hooked to the need to just drink, even at an age of responsibility will need to join Sunday school.

They need to hear a little bit about sheep and how Mary got pregnant, but even that is bullshit. In 2019, we refuse to have grown-ups whose happiness depends on a weekend vibe and that is all they know about enjoying their lives. Grow up next year and if you cannot find a better hobby than drinking and hooking the best girls with a bottle of Gin, then let’s talk about that Sunday school again.

Going to church: We will keep talking about this one for the next two years. Faith is all you need to mind-f@ck someone. It was 2018 and still Jesus did not come. The world has not come to an end yet and the devils are still living nxa while we kama wait for a day when someone will pull CCTV footage on our every move for scrutiny. You cannot be more stupid to think things will change in 2019. There is no one coming to save you because you have done nothing wrong. Say sorry to the people you have wronged in 2018 and we move on.

Killing women and sexing toddlers: I will leave this one open for your taking. This k*k should stop.

Barry, Mbidi and deadwood: The two are by age old men fighting each other just to see whose balls hang lower than the other. One is a gweri who thinks the Castelo ambassador has overstayed and the other simply thinks nothing north of Oshivelo is worth a leadership role. As the rainy season falls upon us a little late this year, a little lightning on the two will do.

Our condolences are in order. The same lightning we will direct to anyone who have been a minister for the past 15 years and more. You cannot date a woman for more than 10 years and all that is there are promises. Even Sunny Boy is engaged. There is no need to clench the livers and testicles of legislature. These idiots keep changing the goalpost.

I don’t know about you but I know I’m making it to 2019. I’ve already started writing my New Year’s resolutions.

Let’s have purpose in 2019.

Sharpies




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