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Saturday 15 December 2018
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The year that was

I know we have not yet concluded the year yet, maar it must go already. For the first time in a few decades of living, this time of the year, I cannot mention anything that prospered besides the nigger with one eye who always has his head high at any opportunity. We were denied almost everything. And you are still useless for achieving fokol.

If God loved us so much that he blessed us with stingy elders, kindly give us some rain. We are on heat, so please shower us with some blessing so that we make peace and leave somethings behind. Surprisingly in so much heat people still have sex and I’m just here thinking how those kids will look like. I pity the midwife at Onandjokwe who is going to deliver all little devils of the 2018 heat.

I can’t think of what did not happen in 2018. The government f*cked us broke by spending the whole money and did not even leave anything to pay for rain. Pastors shared their blessing between the corridors of the legs of our sisters so Home Affairs will struggle giving surnames next year. John Mutorwa is still a minister since 1990, and Tjivikua who we thought is educated doesn’t want to leave NUST.

Important people died and fools who need to be struck by lightning are still breathing. Namibia had the opportunity to open our own PornHub this year with so many one-character short videos. Thank you Armas and Ligola.

Pharmacists got heavy bonuses this year by marketing the morning-after pill – thanks to the brothers who refuse to wear the Smile and the sisters who believe in the self-created second chance opportunity via the pill that forgives all weekend sins. The Dogg also thought retirement was nxa and came out after the party. In fact, at the same party.

And then there is my favourite society – the born-agains and their Doom congregations. 2018 was for you idiots because you got all the evidence that your pastor is just another karyampombo who thinks nothing of you, but a silenced dustbin of stupidity. Take it from me, you need no healing. From what and why? The only demon you possess is your amputated ability to think.

And yes, no healing in the fictitious history of healings ever came through the legs. So leave that church and join me on the streets because we are all the same. And I’m just here thinking – what if you die one day and find out that there is actually no heaven? Just imagine what you would have missed. Leave that sh@t.

And yes, I see the moffie society has also made heavy recruits this year as all of a sudden it has become pleasurable to insert a fiber-like object with a diameter of blessings in the red-truck refuse hole. I know we have rights but some idiots need to be deprived of the right to be haphazard.

These are the same idiots who sit on the toilet pot when they pee. What the f*ck are you ever going to teach your children? Come back and join. There are so many girls that need not only your money but a little intellectual talk accompanied by promises of what their fathers never gave them – and it’s all yours. It’s that easy to get the cookie. And we are not leaving them behind in 2018. Idiots live longer.

And yes. This thing of having a complicated pattern and password to unlock your phone and none to open your legs also stays behind.

You are the witch of witches because your witchcraft and witchery is on another level. If you want to know of people who do things that do not have any relationship with sense, please point at yourself. At some point you will be needed for fun especially for the Vrrrr-pah boys who need not to speak but slide the window down but madam, just like the moffies, what will you teach your children? That sh@t stays.

Ow. I almost forgot the idiots who are forever broke. You are kama always broke but you are gaining weight like a winter pregnancy. That sh@t of saving while eating nicely on other people’s accounts must stop.

It is acceptable only for women .If you don’t have money, stay home and watch NBC. Laliful. And before I forget, end of the month does not mean it’s time for you to call me. It means it is time for me to eat alone just as I have been working alone. Again, he who rejects me because of my poverty, I will equally deny in front of my payslip.

And yeah, sobisoo 2018 is almost over and your nigger has not said anything close to marriage yet. For how long are you going to be on Lay-Buy while other women are walking to the altar this December? So if he has not kept his promise, you need to leave him in 2018 and come to us who at least will not promise you anything but go with the flow. At least you know where you stand. After all, side chicks prosper.

Its festive season now and I know relationships are in trouble. If you have a loved one, this is the time you need to keep them close before they become an ingredient in some keDecember fruit salad. And please, no collapsing in my alcohol this festive.

Sharpies…




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