Tuesday 18 May 2021
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When he is cheating, he…

Before this becomes a thing of who cheats the most between men and women, for the sake of peace, let’s agree that we all cheat. Including you who is reading this. If you are in a relationship older than three months, take it from me that one of you has already started considering a second plan should your ass disappoint them.

But since you are in denial that your bastard is cheating, from experience, let me put it to you that you should know by now that your comrade is obviously doing what you have not been caught doing yet– cheating.

It’s in everyone’s DNA to want better in every way. So just for the mere fact that no one is perfect means your partner is looking for what you don’t have in the next person. For guys, it’s easy. The same way we cannot hide an erection, if it’s there. What we are good at is making sure you don’t look down.

Real cheaters don’t have passwords on their phones. Take it from me. It comes with experience and the fact that we know you will naturally snoop around, why hide things we know you will not see if left in the open? The obvious ones are the ones who either put their phones on silent at night of place their phones facing down when they sleep. Someone wrong will call and you are not allowed to see. Also, when you pick up his phone to do something innocuous like check the time, he freaks out.

Your name is saved Bae and you are his DP. The truth behind displaying your ‘main woman’ is that somewhere there is a loyal side chick who knows you are the main madam and she does not care because she gets it better. She knows you exist. She sees you guys together but knows that she is not the PR manager.

When he says ‘I love you’ out of the blue. Words like ‘I love you’, ‘I appreciate you’, and ‘I’m lucky to have you in my life’. These words come from a deep place of regret after cheating. This is the time men realize how lucky they are because you are still around even after they do shit behind your back. Obviously he knows kutya that’s what you want to hear but it just doesn’t come like that. Next time he tells you that, ask him what he has done wrong and see the look on his face.

She is not the cousin or workmate. That’s the girl he bangs and told her that the two of you are going through a rough moment. This is if he has not already told her that you f*cked up big time and that you are trying hard to come back. Anyone in a guy’s life who does not have a name is a f*ckbuddy. They are so many and that is why he will not attach a name to them. It’s confusing at times. The cousin or workmate with whom he all of a sudden has to go out with is the new Assistant To Madam (ATM).

His social media space is questionable, or not. If you are his DP, there is an army of understanding side chicks. If you do not feature at all, then you should know that there are also an army of side chicks who think they are the main chick. If he uploads your picture randomly amongst pictures of his family members, then chances are that you are also the cousin to the others.

‘I will call you back,’ especially during the night call. You should understand that cheating is a lot of work. Just like you want your late night calls, there are 5 others who don’t mind a two minutes convo before going to bed. ‘I will call you back’ means he also has to say goodnight to the chick he wants to bang next week and the other one he told he is very single. He is bullshitting you if he says he will call you back. And by the way, no guy goes to bed early.

His phone always has a story to tell. It is either it’s always almost flat, freezing or the speaker does not work nxa. In order to ignore calls or switch their phones off, a flat phone is the perfect excuse. Ever wondered why he has to switch it off while it’s charging? Also, if the phone is on flight mode, then you should know that he takes off without you at times. He also carries it to the bathroom, but just because he sometimes leaves it behind does not mean he is not….

Every perfect guy is a cheating guy and the one you know that they are cheating is blessing. There is no need to investigate because the results are obviously positive depending on his knowledge of the game.

Cheating is not always flirting, touching, or kissing. If you are having a text or chat you wouldn’t want your partner to see because they would misunderstand, then you are cheating. Cheating is like erections, everyone cheats, but it all depends on how long you can hide it.

Accept men for who they are. Or I guess not because you think your man is the best. Yes, he is indeed. We need a few who appear good.

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