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Friday 19 April 2019
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Tighten your belts

It’s because of winters like this that we have March and April babies. They were born because it rained in Cape Town and Jennifer Moetie tempered with national thermometers starting with those in Windhoek. We need not to dig into how why some people were even born but the current situation has become quite a scare.

Word on the streets is that we should tighten our belts while the very same people who are telling us this are buying new belts. Things look k@k in this country and it is an open secret that we will soon make the bend to pick up the soap.

And a few artists who have mastered the art of ignorance will survive this because this bumpy ride will take us all. The wind is taking us to the pavements in the kasi and even those who are unemployed have started asking for directions to the State House. All they want is answers why Hage ate up all the money that we cannot even afford the heat. And this after saying Kwambis and that tribe should never be made bosses, here we are today.

The sounds of vrrr-pahs have become extinct and your normal Golf boys are now competing for grade 11 pupils with the yashes in Dankie-Botswanas. Everyone can now afford all the makes of Hunters, Spin, Savanah, De-lush and Hubbly flavours. All it takes is for a hubbly-bubbly session of two total strangers and the next thing you see is relationships. And yes, I said high school pupils because they are the ones who have always been affordable when it comes to tight investments. Don’t even ask me about the age because no one complains when baby potatoes make it to the pot.

Only gweries think they have made it in life when they visit the coast. I had an issue with that early this year but it seems no one is troubling me anymore. It is either the 7-seaters have decided not to take slay queens and lover boys to the coast or this circle no longer have proper phones. In this economic times, please stop taking 100 selfies just because you are in the coast. Otherwise, we know that you are not home and Kablou’s boys might just have their hands on your tshwiki-tshwiki bed. We all know how the ocean looks like so stop demonstrating your gweri tendencies.

Back in the kasi, standards have dropped drastically. The madams who used to look at your wheels before even breathing in the same space have been humbled by the dust. Since the Angolans left and the Zimbos still don’t know the price of deodorant, it’s our time to take full advantage. Here, you eat them at any time and place. Girls are actually like mangoes – while some of you are waiting for them to get ripe, others are eating them with salt.

It’s now easier to get that chick who thought she was Dillish worth because even Top Cherie kama has a price tag. Do we still have slay queens around people? Where is the Chairperson and her deputy?  Even the prostitutes on the street corners have started blaming Hage for killing the tenderpreneurs who could at least pay for a warm shower once a month at a guesthouse.

Speaking of guesthouses, school for the Windhoek West university students is about to start and my worry is this economic times can turn one business into another in just weeks. It is university students accommodation the one month and a salon with a ‘we cut meat’ table outside the next week. Students, if you find out that your campus has been turned into a salon or barbershop, just understand that structures behind the house are open to become anything.

I hear things have not only changed for you and I on the streets. The other day, the minister who was born with a microphone in his mouth was spotted viewing international beauties on a dating site while he was supposed to perform national duties. This is a married man cheating in advance. So before you tell the world about your cheating boyfriend, remember that things are tight even in our leaders’ houses. If a minister can cheat on his wife, whose child are you to think that these economic times will have me loyal? If you keep on behaving like you squirt some flavour syrup, you won’t make it to Vision 2030 with all of us.

But be that as it may, just because things are becoming kak does not mean you shouldn’t wash your panties every day. Other ladies are getting marriage proposals and all you get is an offer to choose where you taking Savannah Light or Dry. I know things are kak but it does not mean your life should be as such too.

Lastly, things are tight so please play the part and keep it tight too. Open when the proposal is worth the sickness and nine months of the making of an orphan. Otherwise, when the storm is over, your value on the market will be measured by how you maintained your size and depth of the benefits every ‘I love you’ truly means.

Fasten your best because it will be over soon.




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