Just like some born-agains feel they are holier than the rest of us, the Wambo girls with natural hair must just chill because Africa is not a company and they have no shares.
Sobisoo the other day my phone got stolen at Hosiana Parish by an aunt who looked like she could deliver me from my sins. Instead, she delivered my phone and I’m now here praying to the unknown figure that she does not sell my memory card. There’s a gallery out there that may damage relationships.
I’m a sucker for the truth and common sense at times when it’s not so common. So today I would like to undress a few puzzling things under the sun that continue to confuse me a little bit. I know it’s not my business, but I just think no one has the right to be stupid.
So all these born-again churches are owned by foreigners. I don’t know why but there is something fishy, at least with the ownership. As for our people following thats nothing new as Namibians are always late for that bus.
Those on the other side of the border know that Namibians, especially women are desperate to escape their problems by doing nothing. I know we all wanna meet the guy who is the son and his own father plus the air. But just so you know, no one is coming back, not even Jesus or your grandfather.
Guys at age 30 who are still excited by the arrival of Friday so they can go back to grade 5. I’m not against the spending of money I did not sweat for but at age 30, you should at least have a mind-shift and priority check. So madam, if your boyfriend is still happy for the coming of Friday, just know that age is indeed just a number.
There is an age limit to things like going to clubs and changing more than three boyfriends in a year. Gents, it is same with your madam. If she cannot spend a Friday at home even when she is broke, rest assured that someone you are settling with is a shebeen queen. These are the girls who go out only with taxi money to get back home, but still enjoy the night. Chances are your kids will never see mommy cooking dinner.
Dating a girl who does hubbly-bubbly is like dating a guy who drinks Savanah. While I don’t want to stress about what guys should consume, some things are just a no-go. I’m yet to attend a wedding where the bride is a beer drinker. So just because the ladies can do it does not mean we should go pink also. Pasop!
Girls who can’t cook pap should get disability grants from the Division of the Marginalized Communities. I don’t want to argue with you but in my books, a woman is defined by her ability to cook pap. I don’t want to argue with you.
And then we need to teach women how to stop blaming themselves because their boyfriend cheated on them. You can train a man how to treat you. When he wants you, he will treat you to please you. If the idiot cheats, he never wanted to stay in the first place. You don’t need to beg him to come back or bother God to give you the best. In the end, you are not special. At some point the idiot will cheat on you. That is a lesson for strength.
And just before you stress about being single forever, for every woman that needs a man, there is a man that needs you too. He will take some time to come so just keep on shining and get ready for the day he comes. If you mess up, then kiss your dream goodbye. If he also meets someone just like you, you can say your prayers too.
And don’t ask us about the wedding day. We know when and with whom we want to cross that line. If you depend on him for everything, the red flag is in your corner because while you are busy begging, another lady is busy working to compliment him. You cannot say all he wanted was sex when that was all you offered. You eat what you get and God will sort out the rest.
And the last one goes to my sisters who have not yet entered the maternity ward. Open the legs but don’t get pregnant. No matter how much he says he loves you. No matter how responsible he looks. It’s a trick.
Eighty percent of single mothers at some point thought bringing a baby in the picture would seal the commitment. F*kol happened. It’s none of my business, but men generally have a low tolerance for women with living evidence of their mistakes.
Just like your teacher had to transfer you to a higher grade after failing your grade twice, that is men for you. But like I said, it’s none of my business.
MFK is a satirical column, written by a nameless individual. His views are not endorsed by the editorial policy of the publishers.