When I become president, I will fire Hage Geingob and his tea lady who also counts as the class captain of the Ladies-with-no-regards-to-age. I’ve never dreamt of becoming a president, but after Liverpool’s Blue-Waters-like performance last weekend, I’m convinced that those who think they can never walk alone, cannot rule this country.
I will write to Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and all dodgy social media platforms to deactivate their accounts.
Patriots, I am compelled to remind the big G and his tea lady that the dog of the village chief is not the chief of the village dogs. Their views are dangerous for the growth of any child who wishto fathom the relevance of age and interrogate whether wisdom grows on the tip of grey hair or a bottle of Inecto.
The other day when Liverpool pulled a kaIndongo, the President was seen wishing the rusted club luck and later admitting their flop. Mara, the same day, the Brave Warriors, of which the President is the patron travelled to South Africa to prepare for their Cosafa clash against Zambia, mara Omes said f***l. Someone must get me the synonym for the word ‘hypocrite’ because I can’t help to think otherwise. … Begin charity nie meer by die huis nie? We would rather get Robby from the grave than be led by a Liverpool groupie.
I once said that if people were banned from sharing their opinions, unless they have studied the subject extensively, most politicians would not be allowed to speak? For too long, 28 years exactly we have been ruled by people with qualifications accredited by the political desks instead of the NQA. Experience se mo*r. Sobisoo after age 50, that generation can no longer reproduce, unless they can pull a 2014 Valentines Special. And we are yet to see a products from the actual matrimony.
No more honorary qualifications. Start all over from Katrina’s one-size-fits-all system. After that, we will send you for internship either in the kasi, villages or Eveline Street for some humble doses. This k*k of having none-smoker telling us about the danger of cigarettes is k*k. Die first and tell us it is dangerous. You need to be one of us to speak about us. Similarly, the war on alcohol can only be understood by those who are in the war.
This thing of putting a cattle herder who only came to see the city after high school as Mayor or Governor does not work. In my government, Tanganyika graduates will never build a city or town when all they know is how to dig trenches and respect the white skin. K*k.
Every new minister should at least own an All Star Converse, know the price of a haircut in Tura, know the taxi price from Oshitenda to Grove Mall, know the price of pads and where to get NDF condoms, the cost of AWEH-Lite, have at least a seatbelt ticket, and know how much a Namibian working at a Chinese shop gets paid.
No more cleaning day k*k when we don’t own any land. If you want to clean, do it at home. Politicians work the least in this country yet they are the ones who live in luxury. If you think I am talking what comes from the anus, just think of last week’s cleaning campaign. So, if you don’t already own a spade, rake and cleaning clothes, then sit your buttocks down and let those who know how it feels do the real work do it. Don’t pretend to be one of us when you are not.
I am pretty sure the people from Samora Machel thought its election time, they mos only see politicians during elections. I saw some of them frantically searching for their voters cards and donning Shawapo attire.
I will introduce a Recruitment Day. We can make it on Labour Day sobisoo. On this day, we will recruit a portion of young graduates without jobs. Hey, first we get rid of the 50 year old ministers and 60 year old civil servants. We cannot have pensioners running the country. If they have not sorted their life after 60, then they must just join our grannies in the N$1300 queue.
Day of the African Child for what? On this day, we will ask retail shops to empty their cosmetics shelves particularity for the girl child. No Namibian girl child shall be worried about how they will deal with the red BMW. We will also empty the stationary shops so that every child has sufficient stationary. PEP (Poverty Exposed People), we will come for you for uniforms every year.
Dissolve all modeling agencies. No Namibian girl should be fooled that they can make a living from modeling. That k*k only gets you Instagram followers and a bunch of photographers who want to take photos of you for free with hope of seeing your punani for free. You will retire in heels on a gravel road. Become a taxi driver or make your hands useful. Skomoling your boyfriend is not a skill.
Then I would find Job’s parents and ask them to buy the boy some toys and give him a decent childhood because he has started playing with the elders’ balls. We cannot afford to have kids who hold their nose and point at the elder who farts.
Any minister who has served under more than 3 ministries is useless. Government is not some talent identification course. All these guys must join the National Youth Service and go to Berg Aukas to discover their true talent, I know many do not have any. Then I will clean up the entire cabinet and the ones left will be turned into social media assets to report to me those insulting the president.
Let’s start over with MfK. We cannot have Karius run this country when he assists and kills us himself. The after party starts at State House. I know it will be your first time.
Flip the right finger.