Saturday 10 April 2021
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Namibians are f***withable

At times like this I miss Tate Shafishuna even if he was the one who started building this heap of sh*t smelling today. It doesn’t sit well with me writing about this reality mara since everyone’s balls are only good for the scrotum, I will lay mine bare. Just two.

This week I have added another insult to my kasi dictionary. It is an adjective ‘f***kablewith’ that describes the mindset and actual behavior of all Namibians, except of course me, myself and I from today. Namibians, on the African continent and the world at large are the safest, sexiest, submissive and tolerant people to f*** with. Everyone can do it in any way as long as they have a foreign passport or the colour of daylight.

Our level of tolerance for bullsh*t is on another level and as such, no one will ever take us seriously. Like a typical nufu salesman, everyone can come and operate our kragbox, and since we don’t look to learn whether or not the service is adequate, we will keep calling them.

We know nothing about self-love, worth and respect. Not to mention, valuing our own. In the eyes of Namibians, nothing Namibian is ever enough or worth putting up there. And what is worse is that we need no one to tell us that we are worthless besides ourselves.

We live in a country where standards are manufactured in China, endorsed in South Africa and fed to us in doses which are sure to make us addicts – tombo addicts. Sam, Lucas and Hadago never gave a shit and it is getting worse by the day.

Every Nigerian knows that Namibians, especially women want to be saved. I don’t know from what but for some reason they feel there is an afterlife that only admits clean souls. It is indeed true that the wicked runs even when no one is chasing. There is no record of the existence of this place except the word in black and white better preached by the rich guy. And because our people feel Bibles read by their own are boring and untruthful, anything from the foreign man of God is true. If you want to become rich, especially in Africa, just start a church or become a traditional healer in Namibia. For you, we will sell our houses, leave our partners and even literally f*** the devil out of us. They will believe you.

Do a quick search into the real owner of our new guitar churches. I’m not talking about the front man but the guy who takes the real buck. They know people in their country will probably not buy into their sh*t but Namibians will. Because we are just f***withable.

There is no one who hates anything Namibians do besides Namibians themselves. We care more about the outside because in our eyes, they have defined what should be right and authentic. We have this same sickness in soccer, music, development and even sexual preferences. An idiot from the heart of Oshakati knows the full squad, development team and the ball boys at Liverpool but does not know the captain of Oshakati City FC. Because ours is boring and does not excite them as much. Idiots. We know everything about people who don’t even know we exist while we ignore the guy playing soccer in the street. All we do is talk sh*t about our own while those we praise don’t give a f***.

It is every more rectum stretching in the music industry. The other day we had the NAMAs bring in a bunch of international judges to tell us what good music is. As if we cannot do it our own 28 years after independence. The locals and I guess the organizers have accepted that our own people are stupid and do not have the skills to judge. Every year the NAMAs give recognition to a Life-Time achiever, but not even they know much about music to judge. I do not remember when Namibians where invited to do the same in other countries. And it will not happen because we are not good enough, just like they have made us to understand.

We need divine intervention for our ladies, but not from the skuduru churches. It is easier for a foreigner to sleep with a Namibian girl than it is for Shikongo to get a hug. Ours say foreigners know how to treat them better. When a Namibian woman says men are trash, apparently do not count the foreigners because those are a blessing. But isn’t it custom to behave when you are in people’s homes? It is a given that any foreigner will be kind to you, and just like they go to Etosha and kiss monkeys, they will do the same to you. And then they will eat all traditional foods with love because it is new to them. In this case, that is you being drilled and this guy has to do it right because he is representing a nation. At the end his stay, he goes back and you are stuck with us with a borehole claiming redemption. Because it is just so easy to mess with us and leave us in eternal confusion.

If we do not accept ourselves for who we are, the foreigner will always show us the mirror fiddled to see what they want you to see. They have zero love for you except your money, soul and punani at the expense of your stupidity. Those who don’t love themselves are the easiest to f***, ask any player.

Be like me – unf***withable.  Yours truly.
Oshinona kashina omikalo

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