Wednesday 14 April 2021
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A Street named Winnie Magadisela

When I grow up, I want to be like Hage.

There are certain things you couldn’t forgive in the past but Hage just changed the goalpost and the penalty spot on this. Now more than ever I’m starting to believe our president lives and speaks in the future tense.

The comrade has more promises than current solutions. He anticipates problems of the future and solutions but says nothing about the rat theft under his shoes. You just have to admire the man in all his spheres of influence.

Last week was the sealer of every doubt that with age comes wisdom but there comes a point where it shouldn’t be called wisdom no more. Growing up, it was a taboo tantamount to lifetime neglect if you ever said your father was lying.

By now, both the amusement and the incredulity of an announcement in regard to a street named Winnie has worn off. Typically Namibian, isn’t it? If you don’t know what I am talking about, I urge you to rewind your life a whole week backwards and watch the late Mama Winnie Mandela’s funeral where our Hage fried the announcement in honour of his late ‘mother.’

Taxi drivers will be striking this Monday because of this story coming from their president. Just when they hoped for probably the only street in Windhoek with no potholes that have become fish ponds, Winnie was nowhere in Windhoek. The Okahandja taxi drivers have not seen her and she is not even in Sauyemwa.

Maybe Winnie is the sixth Harambee pillar. But while we wait for mama to give us the signal, Hage must show us where Winnie is. Who got the tender to lay her down, who are the subcontractors and got the kickback?

But it is nothing out of the ordinary, especially knowing how age catches up with those who have gone past their pension age. This is the age where menopause catches up with men intellectually. They can be quite forgetful and sometimes late with the truth.

As I was wrecking my brain as to what I would focus on this week, I wondered if the President didn’t have the same lapse in memory he seems to have every time he utters the words ‘no one should feel left out.’

Because, from where I sit, I don’t feel left in. I think Omes has the same brain freeze when he says he declared a war on poverty but you still employ advisors who don’t quite know what their real jobs are. I also think the departure of NBCs side chick left an advisory void. I understand the comrade in position now has his focus more on writing columns than buying the old man Inecto.

This guy forgets a lot. But remember he is 75 years old now, going for 76. That’s why I find it hard to get it when he says the late 81 year old Winnie used to call him son. I mean, did she have him at 5? I guess this is where the African literature takes over.

But the Winnie syndrome is not the first of its kind and the president is surely not the first forgetful honourable we had telling us stories.

Etsee, where is Prophet Elisabeth?

Back to the script. A few months ago, the president promised to build us 50 000 toilets. I don’t know if we are really so much of a sh*tty country but yours truly only gave us 900. Fifty percent of these toilets are closed and the others have been shit broken. Where are the rest Mr President?

Last week he tells us that all is well in the country. The government is the only abusive relationship that you cannot run from. The lies are just too many and the abortion of future failing promises just don’t end. But you just cannot leave because it’s cold outside there. The Popular Democratic Prince Venaani surely still has sh*t to sort out and his reality and dream of a perfect Namibia still has no vehicle to leave the cheap talking area.

The southern BlackBoy is just another flop even the AR has become crisis cheerleaders. History has it that parties formed out of fury don’t last longer than a quickie. Ask Radopa Nambinga of the abandoned canoe.

But again, expect no better because in Winnie Magadisela Avenue/street, everything including the truth is falling apart.

You need no more signals from Mandela’s ex-girlfriend because for the mere fact that we are all renting, tenant Geingob will continue collecting the rent money.

But in the name of respecting our elders let us not be too harsh on him. It is just normal that elders tell their children lies. And since it already started at home, you need not to expect better outside.

So all you Namibians who were acting surprised and horrified by Hage’s yet to be fulfilled promise, sit down and just accept that this promise too is just like his others, we remain hopeful. For as long as you vote to be oppressed and lied to, shut the fuck and take your seat.

The rest of us will be looking for the street called Winnie because elders don’t lie.

Oshinona kashina omikalo

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