Saturday 15 May 2021
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The punani politics

The simplest way I can put it to you is that men like and want you because you have a vagina. We love and need sex but we don’t like sl*ts, unless and until we still just want to play.

Often women ask me for survival tips when it comes to dating and making sure that no man take advantage of them. To be honest, I never know what to tell them. Not because I don’t care but I it is better to better understand men and their reasoning if you want to get some way around us.

The key word is the vagina. The vagina has commodity value and that is why we will and can do anything for it. So any woman who takes their focus on this asset is up for disappointment. Regardless of the approach, time and efforts it takes to get it, it’s the only thing he wants in the first place.

But how hard or easy you give it up determines how we treat you after. The first touch is important but how it comes is very important. If you are good in bed, we will stick around for some time but we all know that a healthy diet needs some chicken, beef and a fruit salad.

We want you to give in easily because sex is the ultimate goal anyways. I mean think about it, you are a student, broke, and have nothing to offer besides the cookie and your brainless beauty, so why the f**k would I waste my time with someone who does not even know where they are headed? Selfish I know but the moment you don’t attach any worth on you, we will do it for you.

Think about, why is everyone going for the slay queens, the body goals ambassadors always carrying water bottles to class and reception desks? The girls out every weekend and know how to get down with rhythm. And selfishly enough, the good girl who gets the altar is that girl who never shined in high school, the boring one at home and the one who rejected us more than once.

The women we really want is the women who rejects us. Not all of them though. We all have a female friend or two on the side who we will turn to once we are done decorating our CVs with the punani experience. And believe me; she will enjoy the fruits of your sweat and acrobatics at no cost.

Ask any car expert, no one trusts a second hand car with a very recklessly known driving history for a long road.

The girl I take with me to Monaco Lounge or smoke hubbly-bubbly is not my wife. He is just an energy drink. Endurance and wisdom is good for your CV. That’s just someone to get me there. You see, we one day want to sit somewhere and have proper flash backs of the life that was before seriousness kicked in. That will be the time we remember you for the crazy times we had in the toilets, the car backseat and all the public corners you can think of.

I will even say that memory with my wife as we drive past you as you wait for any guy with wheels to pick you up for the Friday night.

No body appreciates anything they get for free. Remember how you treated that free t-shirt you got on Independence Day celebration the other year. I use mine to clean the toilet windows now. But I still have my old jeans that I bought with my first salary.

Since the notion of appreciating one’s body today now means going naked, come on and show us some booty on Instagram and FB.

You see, one thing guys will never tell you is that showing your nakedness is not a problem as long as they don’t have life-long goals with you. The sl*tty looks and nudes are fine, as long as it’s not my woman showing them.

And for the innocent ones in relationships, hold on very tight because we are just dogs. He will cheat and it’s not your problem.

I just don’t understand how women find it right to bear the responsibility and guilt of their partner cheating. It’s not your fault. The guy simply got bored and lost interests. Some things have an expiry date you know. It was just a touch and go, or better yet, a 7-a-side match. It’s a fable; it ends so quickly just when you are getting into it.

There are many of us out there who just want to have a good time at your expense. We don’t mind putting in the effort just to get that precious diamond. We will be all sweet and your prince charming until The Post Ejaculation Syndrome kicks in. Everything maters until he ejaculates. Ask your man.

Lastly, do not have oral sex with a man. The moment you go down on me, especially when I thought you were the one, I have lost all the respect for you.

A couple of men will argue with me on this one because they want to score brownie points with their next victim but they know deep down that oral is just fun for their one day chick but not for the future wife. As for you ladies, don’t even argue with me on the ‘freedom’ tag because it’s a losing battle.

You have the right to challenge the order of life, but it’s a losing battle so just chill and behave.
Let’s talk…


MFK is a satirical column, written by a nameless individual. His views are not endorsed by the editorial policy of the publishers.

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