Thursday 17 June 2021
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Grow up boss

Not even St. Paul from the Bible cares. But all I know is if Noah’s Ark had to park in the middle of Eveline Street to pick up real men, some of you will be left behind to play with the kids.

Cats are born with whiskers too so today I want to talk about men who are hard at work holding onto their childish self. I will repeat this time and again that I’m a huge advocate for everyone living their fullest, but until a certain age.
Its that time of the year when the man with whiskers aka Calle ka Schlettwein tells the nation how he is going to spent their money and this year, the MfK Government would like to set aside money from our budget for capacity building.  For men development and special classes for men who are advanced in years but who act the opposite. Men who are way past their ‘sell-by date’ but act like they just got on the shelves. Eggshell blondes who still bath with Fabupharm waters. So let’s play the harp to maturity.
There is no definite stage or age in life when and how one should stop standing on the toilet pot when they sh#t, but in the book of logic the numbers 24 to 29 mark the years of growing.
This is with the assumption that you would have left varsity by 23, worked a whole year of 24 and f#ck up all your salary. Two years after you get your first job you can get everything you want, use your money on who and what you want, and stick it in every ATM hole you can find.
But after this, this is when you are supposed to start living your life for the days after 29 and going forward. With already few real men available, we have a thorn in the flash of humanity.
In no particular order, after screwing up every privilege you got, whatever is left should be put to good use. First, buy yourself a bed and blankets. This thing of taking your pick-up to your friend’s home stops at 25. It is quite embarrassing to drive the latest car but only to pick up someone from the club and not have clear directions to your way home because you know the only bed in the house is that which you still share with that uncle who never wants to move out and your young brother.
Secondly, get your own accommodation. And I don’t mean your car back seats. Your parents house is not your own unless you have started the countdown to their sunset day. How about you try shopping groceries for the house and not just rounds for the gents? You need to get a feel of paying for house bills, water and the electricity you waste.
Matured men don’t celebrate birthday parties every year. This is only applicable for the first two years when you get your own salary. Celebrate for what ?  When you haven’t achieved anything. So take a d**k pump !
The greatest motivation during this stage is the unpleasant comfort of sitting back and watching women of your age getting married to guys older than you – guys who just hit 30 and 31. You cannot blame them because they will go for the guys who, during your age, were busy planning for life after 30. And everyone wants security in all ways before the love nonsense.
In case you didn’t know, during this period, women will be patient with you until you hit 28-29. If there is no plan, see how she starts giving you excuses so she leaves for men who are ready to settle practically. Women have realized that this thing of lay-buying them for years belongs to the past. They no longer want to hear you telling them that ‘next year is our year’ when you have nothing developing. Liverpool and Arsenal fans would understand.
This is the time when you stop dating and go for the kill. The student you are chasing will dumb you’re a$$ as soon as she gets out of the student poverty. They know you are just there for the vagina and they won’t mind giving it as long as you are playing “taxi and valentines blesser.”
You go for women with pay-slips and those who have found their purpose in life. I’m not talking about these things who do hubbly-bubbly, know the club’s price list by head and only enjoy three days (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) of the week. Those who are only fun when you want to play but you are past that stage.
You are done playing Mr. Romantic because the women you should be having by your side this time around should be asking you about feeding your family. You should be having conversations about cement, savings, growing at work and when you will be taking your next trip out of town with your bonuses.
So pull up your socks ( that’s if your wear some ) and start building your life if you are within the age range of 25 and 29. Get off Instagram and look for a job. Real women no longer care about your looks because they know what pays the bills. If you still want to continue playing, the sunset won’t be so kind to you.
Mutton dressed as lamb, not even the best filters will save your burned face humbled by every sunset. People want grown men – age is not just a number papa.

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