Tuesday 18 May 2021
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Fledged: a S.O.F.F.A talk

When I was younger I used to tell my parents “ I don’t know how its possible for someone to get tired when all they do is sit at a table for a few hours.” Why did God allow me to be so naïve?
Almost 2 years into “adult and no chill”, I truly appreciate life’s consideration for the position of Adult, but regret to inform you that I think my version of adult is broken and would like to return it. Sadly I didn’t get a receipt or a contract for it so I do not know how the process goes. I do not  know where the on/off switch is let alone the reset button– note to self: Do not forget to breathe, boy!

So in all of its madness, adult life is basically you paying for premium version, because the trial package expired and now you’re forced to pay for this, I mean in the trial version you had all you needed and didn’t need to pay for it. Now with premium you have everything you need and with a little bit more maintenance required – by maintenance I think I’m talking about tax.
I’ve learned a lot by just being an almost functioning adult. Better yet life taught me a few lessons because here I am sitting flat on the ground because it seems like that’s where life deems it most comfortable for me to stay.Its not all negative though, its only negative because we choose to see it that way. Many lessons have made me so much wiser and here’s a little list I’ve compiled.

Solitude – As a social being that feeds off the energy of crowds, I had to understand that being alone is very necessary and healthy. Human interaction is very good and all but your mind and heart matters and you need to take time out from people to reflect and adjust. If you have to miss a dinner or two, remember there will always be more. Invites will come through, that’s if you’re not a nonsense of a person!
I’ve realized that at the age of 24, I am so unworthy of taking caring of my own life, I suck at it big time and came to the conclusion that whoever will be experiencing life with me is going to experience it at a great cost. You have to be a really strong person to change my relationship status; we’ll work on the “amazing” part later.

Offense  – It’s never given, only taken. You will, I repeat you WILL come across people who have no filter what’s so ever. I say this as someone who finds himself offending people around him without intent as well! People will say things that you will not like; they might even attack your character and its up to you to make it break you or build you.

Friends – It’s at this time of your life that you will understand everything that your mother has ever told or taught you about the company you keep. I’ve learned that friends are going to mean so much more to you and your quality checks are a priority – quality over quantity! There might even come a time where friends will be priority over family and that’s okay. Your family is family no matter what, there are family members that you will never gel with and there’s nothing you can do about that, but friends are the life assistance you choose.
You need to learn to choose your friends wisely and I say learn because its going to be an educational experience on a daily basis. You might dig your own grave one day and you might be saving the world the next, and your chosen sidekicks will be there all the way!

Finances  –  I am probably the most unqualified to even think of giving advice, but I’m giving it anyway. You cannot control that sh*t when you’re starting life on your own and as a self-sustaining “adult”.
Make money in any honest way you get the opportunity to. Our economy is not being very friendly and your qualifications may not mean jack in this time of drought. Yeah Cape Town is not the only City with a crisis, we have just learned not to complain but to survive – well!
Oh and your job matters, sorry to make your nightmare of a job more of a reality, but no matter how much your boss gets under your skin, no matter how much your colleague makes you forget that you’re trying live right by the Lord; your job is your job and you will need to make well with what you have.

Accountability – I say this especially for my brothers, we need each other. As much as we believe we are independent. “With freedom comes great responsibility” and as people who are coming from having to ask permission to use the lavatory to having to check the expiration date of milk, we still have a huge gap of adult to bridge.
Have at least one out-of-family mentor to keep you in check. Someone that you’re not emotionally involved with, that can tell you that you’re wrong as much as you feel that you are right, someone that to tell you “You’re failing and we need to fix that now!”

Now don’t be too hard on yourself, its a learning experience, we can do it!


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