This is why I think we should have been consulted about who, how, and where we would like to be born. But doing so now will wake so many things your parents have made peace with.
I honestly wish I was white. White like a Cloete or Visagie. If I cannot get the colour, then let me be the black foreigner living in Namibia. You can say all your sh*t but at the moment everything Namibian and black is just turning out k*k, and I will tell you why. Whites and foreigners have this country at both the clit and balls plus the softest part of the human body that you would think twice before slapping them.
Let me start with being a foreigner.
What you get for being a foreigner is the total support of all Namibians. The idiots here will not buy art collections from a COTA student, but will go look for you at Hilton parking. Open an African cuisine shop and they will flock to your shop but will not support the zali selling omatangala at the end of the street. I wanna get the feeling of selling cockroach killer and china town brooms.
Anything Namibian is never good enough for Namibians. So being foreign gives me the power to cause havoc. In fact, they think I can do better. They will look down on their local students but will take us from Zimbabwe with qualifications accredited with our Zim Dollars at NQA. I can even become an artist and be guaranteed that I will get 80 percent airplay. Namibians would rather listen and buy my CDs than buy ‘low quality’ sounds of Ou Stakes and Uno Boy. You can imagine the peace and space. At least I know I will not be living in Havana.
In Namibia I can get free p*ssy because Namibian girls think foreign men are just better. You can get the smartest of them, and turn that woman of God into a side chick. In fact, I could even get myself permanent citizenship and continue the f*ckery.
I could become a pastor because most Namibians want to be saved (I don’t know from what though) anyways. I could start my own ministry at IUM and still get a share of their tuition fees.
It’s very easy in Namibia for a foreigner to get a congregation because new is always nice. Quickest way to become a millionaire in this country. Imagine what I could do if I became a witchdoctor.
They will call me a Mbwela but I still have the cards on me.
And then you could imagine if I was white.
White is clean, white is rich, and white is power.
First, I just want white problems are the best. Instead of worrying when the heck my side chick is gonna get a job; I would rather worry about my neighbour not feeding his cat or watering his flowers.
The white race is the only race that is free. I just wanna enter a shop and the black attendants would run past the blacks to ask what I want.
I just want the power to shoot some baboons for fun and not to eat. I want to have the feeling of having a diet and not eat dried meat.
I wanna be able to complain and actually be taken seriously.
Whites are the only people who have nothing to prove in this country. I will and can have all the land I want and none of the blacks will touch me. Even quicky experts like AR has lost this one. I can steal everything and anything I want but you will not suspect anything because white is clean.
Imagine not needing politics and burning in the sun at rallies to get a position. Why would I even want to be a politician when they don’t give a car allowance? White people are the only people with power but need no position. Will I even need a CV? What do I have to prove when the black people have given me the competency card?
I also want to be called baas, klein baas and everything that gives me the power. I want control. Imagine being the Checkers boss and telling the grade 9 tellers that they cannot go to the loo. Nothing happens to me because I have the government and the useless unions in my pocket. That is real power.
Just like the foreign guy, imagine the free sex from Nangula and Mbetjitua.
The fun in all this is that all Namibians have already forgiven you even before you do k*k. I just want to feel needed. We all know that the black man cannot fix anything and he believes it.
I want the black person to ask me affirmative action favours.
Just let me be white or Ndlovu. It will be so much fun.