Never underestimate the power of fools because their misguided knowledge is normally backed by a gallery of mentally crippled ‘human beings.’ And we all know there is power in numbers, including 39.
The year 2017 was a year that no comedian, artist and all those in the creative arts could in no way be denied the opportunity to sell their material. From political comedy, artists releasing their first album but already have haters, to diaper girls getting exposed again. We just never left some of this sh** in 2016.
But we need to screw things up always, otherwise, what would those who feed from our lives talk about? We need fools to laugh at and people to point at as living examples of life gone wrong.
Well, the year 2017 belonged to the same crowd that somehow made it by God’s grace. The wrong people got famous, at least for a few days thanks to social media because not even online publications would spend resources writing their life.
Long gone are the days when you had to work your butt off to step on the Safari altar and get applause for your work as you get your degree. This year, if you wanted to get famous, a one-sided-clip was all it took. Marketing of your stupidity perfected for all audiences.
This award goes to Leefa, Pewa, Sheehama as they take over from legendary Penelope. We have not forgotten you. It takes a lot of courage and brains out of this world to fail an open book test. Hence we will give this floating award to the three outstanding capable persons who proved us all wrong that Penelope was the last.
It is one thing to be skinny and smart, at least there is one thing we can admire. We can work on the body later but you cannot be deprived of both. Today, we reserve another award to the one and only anorexic MK for the stunt she pulled freely marketing Hungry Lion. The white man once said we should never feed our dogs chicken but young MK thought since she cannot get the fat on her meatless bones, blessing her malnourished dog with Tuesday special of a Big Bite 2 would be a perfect social responsibility act after winning a pageant of credits lower than the relevance of a Masters from Monitronics College.
Yes, the dog died of trauma a week later after logging into her Facebook account and learning that it was all a scoresheet exercise. MK takes this one undisputed, beating the likes of Female Donkey and the kwankara Blossom.
Remember J66? I do not understand why you all went on about the comrade doing it in a car when you all get nut at places no street kid would call home. Appreciate the little comfort in the back seat because many of the surfaces you get nut on have no nail-size mattress on it. While we are at the backseat of giving awards, we give another award to that Kavango who drives the J66 taxi. It takes a lot of carnal knowledge to do a wheelbarrow on a backseat. This guy beat your toileties and groundies.
This year, we made the number 39 relevant and bad luck at the same time. In the political lexicon, it is a synonym to Nahas meaning ‘taking a feast fight to a Damara with stones.’ The two words can be used interchangeably and still carry the same meaning – failure. To the grade 12 learner who just wrote their external examinations, please pass, but not with 39 points.
Etsee, Omarion also came to Namibia people. The only people who have photos with him are the entertainment journalist and a few Ndapewas who thought they stood a chance. Here, the award goes to all of you who attended the show of an international expired artist. When American artists are at their peak, Africa, except South Africa and Nigeria, is a zoo. All of a sudden when Americans themselves are tired of the ringtones produced by these artists, they remember that they have groupies in the Zoo. Shame to you all who attended Omarion’s show that turned out to have an attendance synonymous with that of a press conference of Lukato Lukato’s resignation from politics. Take all of it here.
The last one must go to all my brothers that survived friend-zones yet another 365 days, kashipu. While you are busy fighting for her undies, another guy doesn’t need to ask to get it dropped. These type of women deserve no award. How and why do you come over when you know very well you are not gonna give me some. Now we have to fight for your undies when you could have just stayed at your place. All of you who friendzoned us this year are staying behind when we enter 2018.
For my brothers, what happened to Mugabe was a wake-up call – this is why you should never give your passwords to your woman. Not even to unlock your phone or keep your flat keys. 2017 women do not care about the Brazilian hair and latest phone, they want your house, car and your family farm.
MFK is a satirical column, written by a nameless individual. His views are not endorsed by the editorial policy of the publishers.