Wednesday 14 April 2021
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The Undisciplined Child MfK

Condoms or  Nappies + Baby Mama?

It’s all jokes until s##t hits the fan. If there is anything more worrying in a man’s life, it’s that moment when your one night stand quickie says her periods seem to be delayed and you know very well detective Koppe leaked.

It’s a fact, the wrong girls are very fertile and the girl you hammer day in and out never gets her periods disturbed. Hell on earth is when that madam you cheat with gets pregnant and we all know what’s done in the dark eventually becomes daylight news.

Today I speak through a friend of a friend who got the wrong madam pregnant. Not that she does not deserve to fall pregnant, but it does not have to be with my friend. Especially that madam who has nothing but her facial beauty and body to show.

Cheating is nice and the luxury of having dessert is just the best. But it’s all fun until what you have been doing behind the sheets becomes something you can no longer hide. It is hard especially when your new wheelbarrow is at no chance close to being boss madam.

If you think this is even bad, think of how she has been wanting that post and what advantage you have given her now that she is pregnant and your family even starts asking about her.

You walk into Pick n Pay and the price tags hits you. You remember being told that babies have a habit of shitting every time they suckle for milk.

That’s the time you multiply the numbers that are higher than your weekend bottles. No more Jameson, Jack Daniel and the Monaco booth. I’ve seen many of my friends that have changed from Jack Daniel to Black Label. Some have even become born again and are sober birds. Kashipu.

I tell friends that you can play around but do it with someone you can bear the consequences with. If you think the pregnancy is something close to hell, pray you do not get a bitter baby mama, especially one who knows that the chances of the two of you going back together are slimmer than finding a virgin in a maternity ward.

You will get it all from questions such as why the water from the tap is running slow and the disturbing smell of the neighbour’s fridge. All of a sudden your female friends become b##ches and you are told that she did not ask for the pregnancy. If she is from Dolam, she will tell you that you will be the reason she aborts the child.

They speak of hell after dying; believe me when I say baby mama dramas are equivalent to hell on earth. You have all the fires, waters and thunders – all from one single small person. She will give it to you till you regret the day you didn’t ask for a condom, the day you nut her after five minutes of dancing together in Chopsies. Jy sal k#k broer.

I believe baby mamas are the devil’s disciples sent from hell to make sure our mistakes are paid for on earth. But what we don’t appreciate is God’s plan to avoid this.

In return, God created the masters who then created condoms for all of you that cannot wait until marriage, people who are never satisfied with the one dish, and all of you that think the neighbour’s sugar is sweeter than that from your kitchen.

The devil’s disciples are here to make sure they throw salt in your sugar and if you think that is bitter, just know that she has all the support from the entire hood. Nothing you do is ever enough. At times you will feel like the sex was not legitimate, and the mistakes are entirely your fault.

These human beings are a pain oshili. Yes, the Baby Mama is the unfortunate mother of your child, whom you have not married and would never think of getting married to. In the kasi, a lot of them are desperate, gold digging, emotionally starved, shady women who had a baby out of spite or to keep a man. Sometimes they may act like their name because of unfulfilled promises by the father, or convenient sex by the father of the child.

They are the little human beings that make you silently ask yourself if God is testing your faith in him because of the dim light at the end of the tunnel.

Their demands come by the wake of the sun and live long after sunset. For sure doctors don’t tell men this but these little things are the source of endless emotional pain and headaches.

Their demands are on SuperAweh registered the day she prayed for the pregnancy, with you. I know we all make mistakes but this one is the last one you  ever wish to make.

Comrades, condoms are cheaper than diapers and cause no headaches or any drama. Next time you take your pipi out of your jeans, think of the economics.

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