Call me Rev Leefa Sheehama
Money talks and bullsh#t walks. If the price tag on your private parts was your matric results, some of you would not be able to afford clinic fees. Yes, I say this with all due respect and brutal honesty. Some people just won’t change for the better.
This week’s revelations made me think of how intellectually bankrupt some people chose to be. It has like become a right to be stupid and people are out there demanding the right. What’s even worse is the fact that no one cares to deny these people this curse.
All along I thought this ‘exposing’ thing was a fovourite to certain tribes only, but eish, the spirit of Harambee is on the roll. So call me Reverend Leefa Sheehama today, as we talk about some bullsh#t you should never take. My name has no reference to any character or characters but simply two Oshiwambo words that have a combined translation meaning ‘Leave it because it is hurt.’
From this day onwards, I vow to throw a consolation party for the next girl to be exposed. I think it’s time we congratulate these people. Life has a funny way of rewarding those who work hard. And in many cases, many of us do not make it to the podium, so we will throw them a party and celebrate their hard work in proving that they can take the accolades over and over.
Enough with people’s sh#t, let’s talk about graduated sh#t you should never believe or better yet take in life. I confirmed this with yours truly ‘Satan’ and he too said it’s because of that sh#t he fled haven.
Never in your life believe a girl who claims they have never cheated. As a child, we have all stolen sugar or a dollar that did not belong to us. Who the hell does she think she is that she has never laid her hands on what was not hers? Even a quicky, or a grind against the wall? Never, I have stopped cheating so I know that story.
Never trust a born-again who doesn’t drink alcohol but ‘wine’. These are the people with one foot in church and another in the bar but are too afraid of what their blesser, aka Pastor Konima, will say. You cannot tell us that you don’t drink alcohol but take wine. That’s like saying you cannot have sex but you can take the head. You cannot come act the saint here when you appear in your parents wedding photo. Sin along with me and take a bottle of Monis Granada too.
Never trust her when she calls you ‘bra’. That is the first application to becoming a good ‘friend’ or brother. How you respond determines where you are headed. And we all know how hard it is to get out of that family zone. Accept the application and you will never wake up from that dream. Try leaving that family zone and see how she walks you back like you have no balls. So never take that sh#t of her calling you ‘bra’.
Never trust that idiot who does not even bother to ask for a condom. It is either they are sick or they want to pass on their morning itchy routines to you. The Harambee concept has entered the blankets too and love is the ultimate devil in this situation – Judas himself. People do not want to die alone so they don’t mind taking you with. He does not love you if he does not bother to put on the condom. Nowhere in the definition of ‘trust’ did I see the word ‘stupidity’ and 40 in the same sentence.
Also, that cousin or friend who does not have a name is the nigga complimenting your failures in your absence. Next time she tells you that she is going out with a friend and she comes back happy, don’t ask why. She enjoyed it obviously.
Ow, and when your night call does not last longer than an hour – you are not the only one. The comrade has to look good in all his life pages by giving his attention accordingly. So depending on who he wants to tap that week, the call will be longer. Don’t ask me what happens after you give it up.
And my brother, that k#k she tells you that it is a ladies night out is pure k#k. You know there is no club that is only for ladies in Windhoek. You also know how she looks when she gets drunk. The next think you hear is that she is sleeping over at Catharine’s place. What you do to other ladies, someone else will do to yours. And it will be without any disturbances because you are told to stay home.
I stand in no position to tell you what to take from your partner, but all I know is some of the things you agree to in the name of love are pure k#k. I gotta leave this topic because some of you are already hurt.
Yours truly Rev Leefa Sheehama