Good for nothing but sex – ‘bangable’ is you
Bangable is something that can be banged. And banging is the closest word I can use synonymous to ‘f**k. Today I decided to be somewhat honest to my sisters. It will be brutal but worth sharing because I just care a little for you.
So you are a beautiful chikita, every guy wants beauty because we all want to show off. A guy with the right looking woman scores more points than the one with the brain beauty. And speaking about beauty, we have categories. You have the boob type of guy who likes cleavage like nothing. And then you have the butt guy – this guy wants the behind to be worth spanking and not being poked by bones. And then you have the educated ones who just want the ID. Finally, you have my kind who wants all in one.
So what does you beauty mean to the guy that approached you yesterday? If you have a big butt, it’s good for the eye and the spanking during sessions. It is the same with the cleavage because we all know how soft those things are. The beautiful lips, mhhhhh, maybe good for the mic. We don’t really care about your brain because we have no intentions to engage in topics that need critical thinking, besides ‘open your legs, bend this side, and when are you coming over?’
But then of course no guy will approach you and tell you these things to your face. We like to sugarcoat them into sentences that you like. Remember the memo you sent out on how gentlemen should behave? You want to be told that you are beautiful, even when you have more than three mirrors at home. Women are like parents hey, they don’t believe advise from their own home, unless the same advice comes from the neighbor. So since we know what you want to hear before you share the password, we will kindly give you that.
Just so you know, at first sight, your looks attract a guy to approach you. Now remember what I said about the beauties guys look for. So depending in which category you fall in, that’s the type of guy you attract. So don t tell me about love when all he sees is the a**, boobs and fine legs if God gave you those too. All he sees are those features and his imagination on how he can make the best of it moving forward.
So why do you think he is all of a sudden interested in you when he does not even know who you slept with last. Yes, you will get the compliment about how fine you are blessed but the idiot is gonna play blind to your body as he is kama interested in the inner you. Shaishe…
And the games begin until you give him credit for not even asking to sleep with you for three weeks. When he gets that thing, check how he pays attention to the body parts he’s been lusting for. It was never about you but about your body and him fulfilling his sexual fantasies. It sounds cruel but many of you are simply in relationships because of your fine a** body. The moment things start sagging; watch how he jumps ship.
Many sexy girls are good for nothing besides sex. That’s why he prefers calling you sexy and never smart. The only time you are seen to be smart is when you make plans that lead to the bedroom. You are only as good as long as you wear the tight jeans and cleavage exposing tops. Twerking even makes you the star and the moon of all the light at night.
I know many of you will disagree but its fine. We need you in this industry where hobbies are hard to find. We wouldn’t mind playing now and then to keep ourselves sexually motivated. It’s part of life.
But I urge you today to seek true value in yourself that is not the body. Everyone has that. You are beautiful and sexy, so what? Is that all you want people to know you for?
If your beauty is the main thing that attracts men to you, sister, I will not keep this secret from you – you are doomed. There is a reason why that cute friend you know is married to a standard looking woman. Looks and the sexy bodies do not count when men want to settle. There is a reason why boys leave their toys outside when their done playing. While some of you are in the gyms looking for summer bodies, the serious madams are busy studying for their three Masters.
Whenever my friends visit me from abroad, they tell me that Namibia has a lot of sexy ladies without rings on their fingers. I tell them that those are the ones easy to get because all you need to is compliment them for is their bodies. And that’s why they are always available. Tell them a promising story and they are all yours. So madam, you have the right to sugarcoat your appearance, but do not do the same to your reality too.
Make yourself useful!
MFK is a satirical column, written by a nameless individual. His views are not endorsed by the editorial policy of the publishers.