Wednesday 14 April 2021
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Penduka shidolodolo

Etsee, its July, synonymous to second half and some of you still think growth is when you post videos and pictures with alcohol. In this economic turbulence, I would like to see where some of you sleep and where you live in the village. It will be December now and you will have nothing to show for it. Just like women have a price tag and expiry date, so do you.

There comes a period in your life called maturity and how you respond to it determines whether you remain a boy or a man. Age is not just a number, comrade. It is a timeline on how you should spend your life, productively. You cannot be in your 40s and still be hunting high school girls or still be the first and last in Eveline Street. Are you sick in your head? If you won’t stop, someone will also come for your daughter.

Some of you need to abort your immature way of thinking. Went to church last Sunday and the same madam who I saw in some tight Ndeitunga at Chopsi’s was now dressed in some long Maria-Magdalena dress, with no Bible by the way. These are the very same people who packed their fridges with booze but cannot see it equally right to buy a Bible. This thing of coming to church with a pocket New Testament Bible should stop. Grow up.

Just like the smell of kapana, we recognize your presence. Just because you do not want to be that one piece neglected because people have already enjoyed your smell but are not worth taking home. Be smart and open your legs when you are insured.

Heheheheee, what happened to my Grade 10 and 12 fans? It’s the second semester now so I’m looking forward to seeing you qualify for UNAM and Poly next year. Not Lingua and these Windhoek West outside-room-turned universities.

We will leave the failures in 2017 because we also need examples of what happens to people who don’t take life seriously. So you are not entirely useless because we can still use you as an example of life gone wrong.

Relationships are supposed to be like an election – ‘free and fair’. Free in the sense that I do not need to buy or promise you a few things before I get relationship privileges. And fair in the sense that whatever we do is two-way and beneficial to both in the relationship. So we need to sit and discuss these new demands from women because you are the very same reason why we cannot commit. Don’t ask me why.

You deserve a hot slap if you’re attached to a guy who says things like ‘I love you but I don’t know.’ Reminds me of myself when I was a f#ckboy. It is the easiest way to trap confused women who have read a Bible verse about hope and a light being at the end of every tunnel. Some tunnels are not meant for your digging so stick to the basics. If it does not make sense today, chances are that it might never make sense. To lilwa.

The misery continues. I bet this December you are invited to your cousin’s wedding who is 5 years younger than you. Shame. But these things only get to you if you have a brain. I heard from an elder that the more often a girl is made a bridesmaid, the slimmer her chances of becoming a bride.

How bad are you? Not even the magistrate? Huh? Really? Yes, your erotic social life will never get you to the altar. The luckiest and closest you will ever come to the smell of legit marriage, is merely by invite to a real woman’s wedding. Bridesmaids are simply decoration and people rely on your logistic skills. So go wash the dishes and get the tent properly decorated. It’s 2017, you cannot still be peeling potatoes. You guys are just like guys who sit on the toilet pot when they pee, what will you teach your children?

Also, It’s a pity some people’s popularity and meaning in life is only limited to the circumferences of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and a group admin on WhatsApp. People are working and growing while you are only scoring Likes, Pokes and Reposts. Get a pay slip laliful.

You came to Windhoek with a Siyaya bus – now you are here asking for private hike to go back to your village. Humble your dreams and work for your own. We can be friends for now because I am also poor but not later. He who denies me in front of my poverty, I will deny them in front of my bank account.

By the way, I pray that my phone gets lost and so that someone who cares so much about my nudes exposes me. In a country where everyone want to be known, it is the best way to become famous. In fact, you have not made it in life if you have not been on Tupoyeni as a retired whore giving advice on how to not lower your skirt for N$40 and that there are bigger figures to life. That’s the only time people will take you seriously. Those are just my random thoughts.


MFK is a satirical column, written by a nameless individual. His views are not endorsed by the editorial policy of the publishers.

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