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Wednesday 24 April 2019
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The Undisciplined Child – MfK

Cheating has zero manners

Kamastag I poked a few soft-hearted beings last week with my reckless writing. I’m glad I made a difference in your sorry life. It is really not my fault that the truth comes in different genres.

So… My ‘once upon a time’ girlfriend was like bubble-gum, always over-extending herself and meddling in my affairs. I eventually left or maybe I got dumped by this confused girl. Something kamma about me being just too much of nothing. Walye wa.

Now and then she would call to check up on me. I just had to make sure to keep the current in the dark. Given her commitment to her role as the useful ex, she took care of business on days when I got bored or argued with the current. Such loyalty and commitment to the cause is admirable.
To me it was not cheating but more of a retirement benefit thing and in this economic turbulences, consider yourself lucky when you still have this aid.
Now I want to make a few things clear about this thing called cheating. I know it may be wrong but we have to, at some point, make peace with it while we pray for the kasi lord to shower us with commitment mercies.

In the kasi, men are selfish. Yes, I said it. Men are selfish. Many feel it is OK to cheat but his woman should never replicate the same shenanigans. Face it, it happens and it will happen tomorrow. Another reality is that men will often cheat with a woman who is not on par with his current and something will always come out of that quickie. Usually it’s a souvenir in the form of a baby.

Face it, women. Next time you hear that your boyfriend, whom you have been in a relationship with for five years, has cheated on you with a particular madam that you deem not of your caliber, do not stress at all. These things are meant to happen.

He will cheat and tell you it was a mistake. Forgive him and he will do it again. The only difference is next time it will be with that girl with the inner beauty you always look down on.

On the other hand, I know of confused committed guys whose girlfriends cheat on them for apparent greener pastures. Greener pastures like a fatter wallet, better charm and a provider of the moon and stars. Screw you too! Ask your girlfriend about that friend who invites her out for dinner. All you should know is that the other guy is working on your girl with things you do not have. I told you this before, ‘what you cannot do someone else will do  for you’.

I equally know of women who are really good at cheating, hey. You will not notice a thing. I know for a fact that there is always that one ex who opened doors for you at some point and their signature has left a permanent scar. So, on days when you argue with your woman or ignore her, she thinks of that bra. It’s the same with kasi guys. If you argue with papisa and decide to kamma give him his time to be alone, chances are that he is chatting up that ex who appreciates his package.

Lastly, at least in the kasi, everyone has a side chick. Back-up, you know. Somebody you know you will run to when the current relationship sinks. Think about it. Maybe you will come to understand why I am so happy with my side chicks because we have managed to establish open relationships. Hope you are not in one, or else you are a side chicken.

I somehow admire cheaters because they are the most forgiven species in the kasi. How many women forgive their partners for borrowing sugar from their neighbor? Without even a fight or quarrel! And how many women are beaten after cheating?

The truth is, if they cheat once, regardless of their stupid excuses, they will continue doing it again, and again, and again.
My dear kasi crew, cheating has no protocol and you should not shed a tear over it. Accept and make peace with the fact that there will always be those who just have big hearts. For my brothers, do not get caught because I think I just told them not to forgive your sorry ass.

Girl, if you think you want competition, start cheating now and see who will ever take you seriously. So while you go around behaving like a taxi, be informed that there are a few tow-in services providers and plenty of scrap yards.

I know it’s a screwed society so chill and commit to yourself. MfK is going around looking for those who want competition.

In the meantime ask that partner of yours kutya when is he going to propose? Or is he also cheating? You cannot be going out for three years and the dude is not yet talking about a future. For how long are you going to be on lay-buy?

I’m sorry boo…

 

MFK is a satirical column, written by a nameless individual. His views are not endorsed by the editorial policy of the publishers.




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