Wednesday 12 May 2021
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Until when will you be the side chick?

When I say these fings, some madams come out and tell me to stop being mean to women. They say I should be soft when undressing some of these fings, but I would like to admit that being soft is just not in my orientation.

This week introduced Pewa, some high school wanna-be porn star destined to nowhere. The Whatsapp groups, (which are our new reliable news providers) brought us to news on the coastal madam who got exposed and later had her face placed under tenderpreneurship construction.

I kinda felt sorry for the women until I realized that we need more of these things to happen until we learn. Imagine if there were no living examples of life-gone-wrong, what and against who do we warn people?

That’s why I thing we need the Dirty Kandeshis, we need home wreckers and sometimes even more teenage pregnancies. The exposing game should continue and side chicks must attack each other.

In short, we need people to fail and people to be screwed, but it just doesn’t need to be you. I’m yet to understand why women love and would do anything for money likes its some sort of Viagra.

I also want to understand how one is willing to be second in charge and how they arrive to the right justification of their actions. I was told that it is all about money and the tag that comes with the company.

In my small head, I’m made to understand that you are with this guy who gives you money, treats you nxa, buys you everything your father couldn’t afford, and all you need to do is play the undercover fake wife role and give p*ssy in all aerobics ever taught in the side-chick circles. Really? What I’ve not yet oriented myself is if you at any point develop ambitions of taking over the main girlfriend or wife’s role.

This is my brutal message to side chicks and those still working hard to be recognized in the game. Firstly, I want you to give me names of five successful side chicks. And don’t tell me these teenagers who are given social media awards.

If he can cheat on his wife with you, then you are equally nothing. Money and daily blessings will not earn you any high spot.

And if your intentions are just to be a side chick, then I think we really must question your mother because I think even she had sexual preferences for reasons that we should put to question. I know some of you think you are chopping his money and he is the stupid one.

You are not making him in any way broke nor do you have an effect on his income. All you give is vagina and that is all you will be good for. And that is the point many of you miss.

Men know that which looks like a toy and is only good for that. Some want to play for long while others throw away their toys and start a real life. The unfortunate thing is it will not be with you.

After some time of being a side chick, no one will ever have respect for you unless they too want to play. So you will be a little touch-and-go. Ask your bothers, I’m sure they played a game called One Touch in the streets.

The comrade will treat you like beef, marinate you with everything spicy and make you ripe for the eating. What happens next is obvious no different to what happened to the madam who came before you. But I understand you are smart enough to think your destiny will be different. Lol.

By the time you wake up from these disabled dream that you should be showered with all the money for p*ssy, even the regular boy will not want to sleep with you, let alone your beauty won’t save you.

If and when you make time, please do some street research to find out at what stage and level the retired side chicks are. They have lost every definition of relevance even to the normal guy.

I said this once upon a time but it seems nobody wants to ever listen: ‘Men will, and can change, but only for one woman and when they want to. And it’s not you, so take this – From the bottom of my anal intestine, ladies, you have an expiry date and once you do not use your youth to insure the days when make-up doesn’t contact the skin any longer, we will point at you and tell our children what happens to people who don’t want to listen.

But yet again as I said, we need you. We need living examples such that next time we talk about activities not to do, we have a consequence to point at. We need failures and losers in life, but it doesn’t need to be you.

Eewa tuu…


MFK is a satirical column, written by a nameless individual. His views are not endorsed by the editorial policy of the publishers.

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