Side chicks, or better yet ‘Assistant To Madam’ have become the new bitter cool over the years. These terms reference the women who have made being a side-chick a career. They find financial comfort in men who have pre-existing relationships which are open, while they revel in being a secret affair. The aim is simple – benefits on par with that of the legal wife or long standing girlfriend. Proud to be valued for nothing more than her relative good looks and an ample “booty”, she sets about wrecking the home of the object of her affection in an attempt to unseat the Boss Madam. They have consistently wrecked homes and dissolved the walls that guard matrimonies. However, things are never guaranteed because the day arrives when the blesser changes gear and shifts his focus to yet another trophy to validate and compensate for his inferior complex as he seeks increased relevance amongst his male friends to be called – a real man !
And its against the backdrop that our guest for this edition makes her entrance. #OkaNguvi continues to live on in the memory of cyberspace energized by the countless versions we have of this incident. Shortly after Valentines Day 2016, social media in Namibia exploded with photographs and videos of a 22 year old dressed in pajamas addressing the wife of her love interest. As Nguvi starts the interview, she immediately reveals that its time she took back her voice and that its time she tells her story. She leans back into the chair and says “time has taught me a lot.
Explain the #OkaNguvi saga
I met him a long time ago – I was still at school. One of his cars took me to my matric farewell. At that stage the relationship was strictly one in the friendzone and so we would check in from time to time with each other. Years later we confided in each other about our respective relationship issues and so we found comfort in each other. At the time, when this whole thing blew up, we were not even romantically involved. That’s why I didn’t feel the need to explain anything to his wife at the time, though the whole nation came to know me as a home wrecker. Only when the drama faded, did we start dating. I genuinely fell in love with him. When we met, I did not know at what level of his career he was.
The life that was…
I lived a lavish life. He was exceptionally generous and money was simply no issue. As it is with these relationships, he paid for my flat even though I lived with him at his home. He also enabled me to settle most of my debts. I also had access to his bank accounts because I had his ATM card. I shopped where I wished and drove to wherever I want. Then you also benefit from the connections you make so people made things easy for me. You get to the bank and you get special treatment on the basis of whose girlfriend you were. But in this process you have no voice and no identity because people only know you as ‘his girlfriend.’
“In the morning I would wake up before him and make sure his breakfast is made. He likes his breakfast simple – either Oats or maize. If any of the two housekeepers would not report for work, I had to fill the gap by taking care of the children ( on weekends ), make sure his suit for the day is ready and give him a massage now and then before he leaves for work. Because we had a housekeeper who could cook well, we would meet for lunch at home and dinner. On weekends we wake up, have breakfast and off to the salon I’d I go while he goes to the barber shop. After that, its shopping and at times I would take his girls with me. Afternoons were spent either at the movies or go-karting with the kids. I wasn’t big on clubbing, so often on Saturday nights, he would go out and I would stay with the kids. On Sunday’s we would go to church together.
He can spend on women. I’ve never been spoiled so much in my life. I was literally in shock and I think he loved me because I never expected anything from him. I used to get money like every day. After a fight, to console me I would wake up to N$ 30 000 on my side of the bed. My daily allowance was N$ 2000. Every time he would clinch a business deal, I too would be rewarded lavishly. Weekends in Cape Town with Table Bay Hotel as our home away from home, we would spend N$ 100 000. There was always money in my account. That was the life.
When things fell apart…
People looked at me drive into his house and probably thought I lived the best life. It was horrible. People think it is all glitz and glamour but it’s not. You always look nice, drive in his car and there is always money around. But, if you go away for a weekend, someone would replace you. At night, his phone never stops ringing with women calling or texting. Nude pics sent to him by high profile women were a norm. And then he still makes you feel like he was doing me a favour. He told me that I should be grateful that he took me and other women wanted to be in the house. We would have arguments and he would place me in a corner where I couldn’t question anything. He would leave the house in the afternoon and return the next morning and you cannot ask about his whereabouts. In the beginning, he respected me but it later became an ego battle. If you had an argument the previous night, he wouldn’t even apologize the next morning. You would just find N$20 000 next to the bed and you are supposed to be ok. It came to a point where I was not even enjoying the money anymore.
After the whole public shebang, I was humiliated and went through the coldest year ever. I was put under pressure at work so I was forced to resign. At the age of 23, it all went down the drain. I was called names.
“I was depressed. My hair fell out. I had sores in my face and I was on anti-depressants for six months. I had to wear so much make-up to cover up my bad skin. The day my Mom saw me she asked me to pack my things and come back home. I had lost almost everything, the only thing I didnt loose is my car. I was set back for an entire year. I had to go see a psychologist who help me find my worth.
But why did you do it?
“The problem with the side chick mentality is that is everyone wants to shine and they think it can only be done when you have money. The problem with that is that you don’t want to work for it and Kim Kardashian has taught us all how to do it – look glamourous, shop all day, all on a man’s bill. It’s not even a thing of wanting to take the place of the main madam. The backward mentality is that you do not want to wrack anybody’s home. All you want is your money and come whatever comes.
“Personally also. I had daddy issue because I didn’t grow up with my dad. So I was not taught values growing up. So I fell in love with older man ( he was 46 ) and the money was just a bonus. I never wanted to be a side chick. I was looking for love in the wrong place.
“I never thought I was a side chick because of the circumstances when we got together. I was convinced that I was going to be the one until I realized that it was not working out.
“If I could do it differently, I would not have been a side chick in the first place.
“I regret losing two years of my life. I finished school in 2010 and I should have had a Master’s degree by now. My biggest pain was disappointing my parents, especially my Dad and having to see them in the papers just because of me. Sometimes we do not realize how much we disappoint our parents with all the efforts they put in bringing us up.
To side chicks
My biggest lesson that I have learned is that you should not devalue yourself because the moment you do that, you end up in situations that you need not to be.
For those who are still being side chicks, please stop. It’s going to crash and it’s going to be so bad. You are going to have a hard time catching up. You are going to disappoint so many people. And the worse is being disappointed in yourself. Do not leave your own goals for a man. Whore is not life.
Recovering from a life that was the “world” is no joke. That person has their life going on and once they are done with you, they will leave you and move on to next one. These things also have an effect on the children in the relationships that you enter so people need to stop this thing. Women must learn to work hard for themselves.
I have learned my lesson and I’m no longer a side chick. I am focused on my life now and my future goals would be get my degrees. I’m of course not perfect because I’m just human. If any other mistake comes up, I will own up to them and pick myself up. But I’m focused to push myself high for now.