Facebook was the most annoying and sad platform for me last week. Every time I logged onto my timeline it was either a beautiful face of a young South African lady or the name Pewa trending. I couldn’t help but wonder who these two young ladies are and what they have done.
As I followed these two trends, I saw their pictures – Karabo Mokoena, a beautiful young woman whose smile was enough to melt the heart of Hades was found dead. Dead. Killed and burned allegedly by her ex-boyfriend. On the other hand, Pewa Heita a young teenager for that matter was exposed and videos of her were leaked and went viral.
I am not in defense of Pewa but I’m just battling to come to terms with the kind of rage possessed by that particular guy to expose her that way. Was it to make her stop what she does? Or was he trying to show the world that he had sex with her? What was crossing his mind?
I am sad and angry at the same time. Sad at the fact that many women suffer at the hand of men who claim to love them, many are killed and violated by the men who promised to stand by them and support them. Many women are stifled, insulted, berated and mentally destroyed by the men who once told them they meant the world to them. Many women are dead inside but no one can tell.
They show up at work, talk to clients, smile, and perhaps even laugh sometimes. But their lights have been dimmed, some even put out completely, by the men who are meant to be their pillars of support. My question is ‘why do men think it is normal behavior to treat us this way?
When women uttered the words #MenAreTrash most men got defensive with the “Not all men are trash” words. Now let me tell you one thing men, while you think that you’re one of the good guys and will never lift a hand against a woman, there are so many ways in which you inflict pain on us. Take a moment and think about how you as a man, picked at a woman’s confidence with the things you deem to be little mistakes and misunderstandings, how you violently broke her confidence down.
Guys we don’t just fear that you’ll rape and kill us, we also fear that you’ll abuse our kindness and trample on the sparkle you once saw. Stop being defensive and listen…Listen carefully and stop taking our love for granted; stop stifling our dreams and aspirations for your own benefit (or for any other person’s benefit for that matter); stop treating us like we don’t matter, like the essence of us is not enough; like the queen in us is not real.
Stop making us feel like we are not worthy, like you are doing us a favor by staying, like we must constantly prove ourselves worthy of your passing gaze because being comfortable in our skin does not make you happy. Stop threatening us with “If I can’t have you, no one else can”. Stop! PLEASE JUST STOP.
Stop killing us with your words. With your actions. With your hands.
We deserve better from you.