Friday 14 May 2021
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The NAMAs that had no Nama

No comedy show beats the Namibia Annual Music Awards held over the weekend in the fishy town oshili. The rehearsals turned out to be the actual show and not even Trump from Okakarara tried to make the NAMAs great again. But relax now. Your girlfriend is back now and please don’t doubt her honesty because she did nothing fishy.

Mothers were naked showing off their gravity-struck nipples, English was raped by those who think their mother language has no meaning and your kamboroto gave up your trophy to some boys singing ‘Harry Simon.’ Thank God the sale at Foschini came later else they have looked like those dolls by the glass window.

I for a fact know that government’s budget cuts have affectively silenced the vrrr-pahhs, but never did I think it would rub off on MTC. That stage was such a poke to my archaic days of high school where we would assemble a few teacher’s desks for the school divas to show off their only asset and relevance in life.

I’m pretty sure that those were a few desks from Kuisebmond Secondary School or one the boxing stages from Nestor Tobias’ Sunshine Academy, they are friends with Tim mos anyways. I suspect they had to cut costs to pay that kachick from the neighbours who the father of the house thinks she cooks better. Besides nyakanyakaring about a dress previously worn by history and which should get its own roadshow, he did what any Checkers teller can do –“next winner please.”

The event also nearly made me draft a letter to meme Katrina because she needs to put the education system on tender. Some people need not  open their mouth – just say ‘thank you’ and leave the stage.

Can we also talk about the Female Donkey and that Helena girl who toi-tois about the beauty of our diamonds. I think Helena actually dresses better when going to Bix Carwash than she did at the NAMAs. I hope she is still not on City Police payroll but I doubt Stokie Kanime can afford another kapana expense.

I have nothing bad to say about Female Donkey (besides her being a teacher). But I think her stylist secretly hates her. These haphazard fashion blunders are just beyond me. My katiti knowledge  ( not KRK ) on fashion and the need to be unique have never been offended this much.

Adora actually has a heart hey. And with her matric farewell dress, I think she will do well as a humanitarian, more so than as an artist. She can start with Red Cross. She is disciplined and has a good (back-up) voice. Go for it. Perform for a few kids at a special school and you just might become education ambassador – it’s given to people with minimal education anyways. May God be your GPS and direct you to your real humble destiny.

Remember that congress year when Blossom pulled that jika at the NAMAs campaigning to become First Lady and Tate Harambee just played along? I felt bad for the masses who were not only trying – but trying really hard.

Comrades, did you know that not so Little Desmond’s chick is in England studying? Myyyyy Diiiiia, you can as well start looking for another one in Dolam because by the time she comes back, she would have learned about Bedfordshire clanger, Cobbler, Beef Wellington and Pease pudding (those are actually English dishes). So surely she will not miss either you or your kapana dates. But there is one thing you can still do – go back to school (NUST) and get a degree because NAMA salaries only come once a year and we all know that even Get Lich can beat you. Educated women have a bedroom phobia for broke balls because they fear what you could pass on to an unplanned pregnancy.
What else?

For all you rookies, Antonio is your man if you want an award. But maybe someone must advise him to stay at his stall on the evening of the NAMAs. This thing of trying to steal your teenager’s shine is an intellectual abortion. When Hage said nobody must feel left out, he was not referring to you. So burn some CDs and make Monique English popular because the others caught feelings. And share that juju.

I don’t know what politicians promise our entertainers but surely Gazza was probably promised Mbumba’s office. Not only will he die for us but Gazza he reminded us that they attended the same History class with Dillish. According to Pumumu, the NAMAs started in Cassinga. You now see why I think Katrina must tender out our education system. I fear sending my child to school.

If there is one thing I fear in life, it’s becoming bored. Times are tough when you arrive to a point when you have nothing to do in your life. Eish. I saw some guy with white nail polish on his fingers and the show was concluded by the Congolese singing out ‘Tim Ekandjo’ – they say if you can’t beat them, join them. A real Nama would have done better.

By the way, I was never at the NAMAs. I stayed home to watch “our boxer” volgens NBC.

I’m yet to be told who won what and those who became bitter.


MFK is a satirical column, written by a nameless individual. His views are not endorsed by the editorial policy of the publishers.

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