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Sunday 20 January 2019
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Stop playing piki-piki

Grandparents lie. Just like that grandparent (may their soul rest in whatever department they went to) who told you that good things come to those who wait. They lied, but because of the little respect I have I will not call them lairs. While you are waiting and playing piki piki, other girls are getting married and getting themselves men like myself – that’s now after some heavy  arms of experience.

Let’s face it, loyal girls will always be screwed and careful girls will be forty and still filtering. In the end, they end up taking that recycled dude. There is nothing such as seasoned players or the opposite, which usually has a very bad name. If you are in, you are in forever.

I have come to meet a few bravely stupid madams that have lost hope in finding Mr Right. They say men are dogs and the few good ones are taken.

Guys just seem to be on a different chapter or a whole new book when it comes relationships. A very few sexy of us go in that shit with feelings. Now those are the ones you will find with Face Scrub and Petroleum Jelly used for reasons beyond my knowledge. The following scenario has happened many a times and will repeat itself until girls find the memo. But we can blame their grandparents later.

Playing piki piki is what you people have come to classify as that activity amputated of all sense – you people call it playing hard to get. Whatever that may be because in the first place, it’s the guy who will get that …

You get that girl has time to stretch like bubble-gum while knowing that she is still gonna break at some point. She knows she wants the guy but just wants to prove a point (or maybe a comma). Meanwhile, the guy continues to do what he does best, entertaining the next victim.

After she feels like she has made her point clear, which is vati to prove that she`s hard to get and has a something unique to bring to the table, she gives in. By then, the guy has been warming up form the last added minutes, which is with you. (Why do you think he never stays long?)

Just to realise the guy is just as much of an asshole like your ex and the other church guy who seemed holy. She lies to herself that she doesn’t care and that the guy is replaceable. Onto the next, just to do the same exact thing.

One thing that all girls around the world should know is that love is not a game where you can downplay your emotions and control the guy by withholding the cookie or trapping him with a baby. What is love by the way? Because for all I know we propose to either get the cookie, make you my wallpaper if you are poster material, chop your money if you even have or just to try out something new. But of course we need to tell you the love story because it is the only word (plus money) that shuts off the thinking compartment.

It`s not rocket science. If you are feeling me and I feel you too, just prepare the bed already and somewhere under the blankets, one will scream ‘I love you with my whole life.’ In fact, you will hear them scream how they have never done it that way. Don’t feel guilty, your sex tape has not leaked, yet. The goal is to be on the same page.

We have already received the memo that what was once private has gone public so stop the delay tactics and give the God-created thinginkie. Delaying getting intimate will not help really. Listen hear, we are simple. If I likes you, I just do. And I will come for you. And if you make me wait, I will. And while I’m at it, I might as well help out that needy girls who cares not to hide her thirst.

But what you don’t realise is that I’m also getting bored. Finally you come and I get it and release that I’ve been waiting so something that is no different. And one thing I promise you is that you will be doing the chasing after he does get the cookie.

Why? Because firstly he got what he wanted and as cliché as this sounds, no one campaigns after winning the election. And just like in your house, when the music changes, so does the dance, tolumwa.

Secondly, he cannot afford to be dwelling on a mission accomplished. He would rather move on to the next because you have really nothing different to offer. And he is not foolish. You have played for too long so it`s time for the tables to turn.

Thirdly, and most importantly, you are just not on the same page because when he was really into you, you were stretching and now that you are into him he`s into someone else. Don’t take it personal. You can call me a dog or all the ugly pets you look like, at the end of the day, it’s not what you call me, but what I answer to.

So my sister, stop playing games. And you know I love you so I will not lie to you like your granny did. The truth is, there is no concrete solution to this. If you are dating a bastard, be grateful because at least you know he is a bastard compared to the girl who is still to know that her dog bites. And if you are gonna play piki piki, you will be forty, single and singing ‘anything is ok too.’
I love to hate you

Sharpies…




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