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Tuesday 15 October 2019
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We just want nice things

 
 
I am usually not a politics fan but times like this I wish I was part of the AR team, Landless people whatever and all the other idiots who think they made it in life by provoking our president. They started with plots, and then they wanted to control our outside rooms. Now they don’t want Kwanyamas to get farms in the south and our security brothers to rent farms in Keetmans. I fully support them as long as it benefits me but some of us just want nice things. Not ice-cream, but other sweet thing tog man.
 
Giving plots means so much for the not-so-faithful men and women in the three towns (Windhoek, Walvis Bay and Oshakati). The three towns are known to be at competition with who drinks and cheats the most. I have been to all three and partly contributed to the competition statistics. I also support the tribalist ones. I mean, who wants to share their rounded assets with some malnourished Titus?
 
I am happy for the move to give the homeless homes at last. It is a different kind of different happiness. A happiness myself and previously-committed men and women cannot wait for. At last every side chick and Ben Ten will be getting their place. Regardless of the size. As long as a bed can fit.
 
The current plot poverty has denied as so many things hey. Just come to think of it, If there were no toilets or that friend with a room, where and how? Only a few, who have big balls make time to go in the bush or play innocent under a bridge.
 
Minus one problem for us. No more sex at a friend’s room. She has her room and so do I. I am sure the comrades share the same sentiments. After all, this is how we restore the citizens’ dignity. In a country were inflation and rent prices rise as high as a horny teenager’s pipi after watching porn for the first time, it is only fair that our dear citizens get good sex too without checking on the time.
 
I also hear that even married couples, already have houses have also applied for plots secretly behind their partners’ ‘behind’. I mean, it’s hard bringing a side chick home and making sure she does not leave a breath or a centimetre of her hair or weave on the pillow. From experience, it’s hard getting rid of the evidence.
 
Guys from Kasi would know and so will your husband. I am sure you once came home and you found the room smelling neutral or completely cleaned up, just when you did the cleaning two days ago.
 
Now that we are getting plots to destabilise the peace and stability in all relationships, what’s next on the agenda? Speaking on behalf of men, I propose the government to give us nice things. And maybe vice versa. With Independence coming in the fourth round of March, some people can just not continue with the thirst. It’s too long now. This does not only apply to the young people but the senior citizens as well. I mean, some of them died for this country and they are still here – so it’s just uncalled for that they are not catered for.
 
This month, I will lead all brave and thirsty men and women to the offices of the Youth Ministry to submit 2000 applications. The same will be done with the old but active senior citizens. I will escort them to the offices of the Ministry of Veteran Affairs to claim their retirement benefits. We all know the benefits of sex so let us not discriminate. And it’s by time we also see that ministry doing something like the five-tackle-one plan all year.
 
We will give the two ministries a deadline of 14 April, fair enough to the drunkards of the country too. All I want is for government to restore its’ citizens dignity since everything has been pasted with a price tag. Not fair.
 
If you are an over-aged woman or man and you feel your peer is not doing you justice, this opportunity is for you. The same with the young people with older dreams and taste, open the doors and join the once in a lifetime opportunity. After all, age is just a number. It all started in the state house.
 
Just like rent and housing prices, we are tired that sex has become expensive. We don’t have to be paying for hotels and guest houses to bang our side chicks. Women don’t have to be playing aunt to get their school boys out of school for apparent family matters. Just like the elite, we in the kasi also want things free.
 
From an MfK perspective, it is only fair that if I am to get land, the least I could ask for is a woman to share the four corners of that piece of land. So give each and every Jenifer a plot and see how every thirsty citizen a place and see how we will not bother anyone. I hear it’s kama a good way to meet people. If you are gonna come with housing developments from behind, it’s only fair that you pull the hair too. Lastly, also resettle our lost past relationships. This thing of giving away what ones belonged to us and wanna call it ‘One Namibia, One Nation’ will not work.
 
I hate to love you, Sharpies…



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