Saturday 10 April 2021
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My 2017 Resolutions

Let me start by welcoming myself back to writing shit. Unlike some Christians who pray for a tomorrow and sleep with the hope of waking up tomorrow, people like me are surprised every day when we wake up. In fact, somebody pushed me into 2017. I was not ready at all. This is such a k*k year to enter, especially through the gates of January.

I met a few MfK loyalists and haters at some Harambee Bar over the festive season and I was stunned by the level of criticism they tabled, of course with a few beer and Castelo wine bottles as inspiration. You can just imagine the love and hate. However I took away some advice that will surely let me continue writing shit this year.

Those who expected to get a softer MfK this year, you might as well go back to 2016. And yes, those who expect things to remain the same are equally wrong. I have made a little promise to myself that this year will be even more undisciplined and brutal. And yes, nobody will be left behind. You are all getting the whip.

That which has a hole will be called a gat. That which is watery will be called wet and that which is deprived of the ability to use what their brains are made for will be fingered as such. You know, as much as I on a few occasions come out brutal and sometimes rude, everything I say is in the interest of the people being described. And if that is bad, wait for more.

First, we are going to expose all those things you do but never take photos of. Yes, those behind closed library and church toilet doors. It is very unfair of me to only write of the few who have stupid partners who expose them when things go bitter. I know we all have those secrets and I am tired of you who go on with your mouths stretched talking shit about other sisters who have their cookies on SuperAweh as if you don’t do the same. Just because you are an usher at some random church and a choir leader on top of that; you are not exempted you mama. Yes, your husband too. I’ve seen him many times at Star Hotel. And we all know he does not even know how to run a business.

Secondly, I know it’s not my private (public) responsibility, but we are penetrating the mind of those who have find it fit to use theirs as battering grounds. You are and continue to be a disgrace to our young girls. For some reason, before calling the above people names that are usually fit for dustbin remains reference, I think we should just maybe try to understand. I personally want to understand how one arrives to a point in their life when they completely convince themselves that they can use what’s between their legs to put something in their purse and tummy. As absurd as it may sound, we need to take this one serious.

Lastly, we need to educate the young brothers to love (if they ever can) and respect firstly themselves, so that they are able to do the same to babies, girls and women. I will not take it lightly should I hear that the 2016 nonsense has been carried over to 2017. Nobody is preventing you from being a player (because we have lost hope already anyways), but kindly leave her the very same way you find her. Also, no raping. Those who find it hard to get laid are requested to be referred to yours truly MfK. I have decided to save some money on the side to help the sisters on the street corners of Checkers, Monaco and under some bridges. Someone gotta empower the ladies of the night who opt to have business in a sector that does not require many papers – not even the fitness certificate. But only after we found out why they opt for this typo business.

We are also going to give free motivational talks to individuals who were denied the blessing of growth in their soon-to-be-useless lives. We need to tell the sisters and brothers who, in 2017, are still sitting in their mother’s houses, probably only praying for better days to come. We need to educate the young brothers that saka’ing and not building your future at the age of 25 will not bring them anything. Life will humble you by 30. Families will soon be tired of you even if they will not tell you to your face. It’s time you start earning your own money and stop asking people N$5.

I almost forgot. This year, I want to write about you all. Yes you. I want us to write this shit together with you, but only if you are ready to come clean and speak of things the way they are. I have a few friends in mind already. Hala at me.
So let us take on 2017 with one hand and change this society with one insult at a time.

I love to hate you all.


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