Saturday 17 April 2021
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Keep her close, there are lights in the city

Tah, this Harambee thing has been taken seriously in the city for real. You can no longer have your ka young thing on the side alone because there are lights everywhere. You can no longer have her to yourself because the Harambee architects are pulling everyone in one direction including her. And even worse, you cannot have all the privileges to yourself because NEEEF has been adopted in the kasi too. Those who have mush share.
In the city of lights, she is not yours alone oshiri. Even the Mayor knows this. So I do not even understand guys from outside the roadblock, who have long-distance relationships with Windhoek girls. That sh*t does not work bra. Not with people from Windhoek because we make the connection here. You cannot be an outsider and have reserved privileges here. You think we are a restaurant or what? Even the bank uses your money. So brothers from the mine towns and the coast – whatever you reserved in Windhoek is in good hands indeed. The engine is running this side.
This is how bad it is. You know, living is Windhoek West; it is even difficult to date a girl from Windhoek North because even that is considered as marathon relationship. Just when you drop her, another nigger will go get her for complex activities.
Two years ago they registered an insurance company called Okanona Kalikapo Insurance Company. This company was really established to wipe away the tears of the outside boys, who thought Windhoek is the city to invest. And if you still think so, here are a few reasons that might just poke the existence of your ability to see reality.
We have life hackers here, so every password can be cracked and left for public consumption. So all the sweet words you told your delectable to hold onto, we have the authors here. We have all the garages here and you know how weak women can go on their knees for anything on wheels. Almost every playboy with a VW is renting and that is a problem in itself. Do not mind what might (not) be in his fridge but rather be concerned with the bed as the only sitting furniture in his room. So you can only imagine when your loved one visits.
And then we have the best restaurants that can be a promise, especially with the properly organised tables with shiny spoons, forks and knives – things that confuse our Hakahana and Mondesa ladies because it is a very new setting outside the usual Wanaheda bus stop kapana.
Unlike the mine boys, who have money in their bank accounts, we in Windhoek let the money speak. Almost 80 percent of our salaries go towards making women happy, including yours. And just so you know, the N$3 000 you send her end of the month because you have a lot of work at sea that is the money we use to put Chopsie’s out of stock. Ons saka met jou mula braa. We will finish that money and ask for more. While you invest, we reap on a daily basis at your expense to our benefit. You are simply like the gardener, there are always pests around.
Why do you think we have so many born-agains (especially women) in Windhoek? We make them switch churches here. From Catholic or Anglican to Oshiveva because all of a sudden their village churches are boring. So you can already imagine that things are hot here. But even worse, my sisters in the churches are now even more wretched. So think twice before boasting about your shiveva-going chick. Windhoek guys have been there.
And if you think we are bad to outsiders, the sh*t is even worse for our brother here. It is only in Windhoek where I can cheat with my best friend’s girlfriend and still be friends with him. In fact, I think the comrades from Oshakati and Rundu have also adopted this policy. You can say how disgusting it is to chop my friend’s chick but just so you know, it is the safest so far in the history of generosity.
Just think about it – how will your bra even suspect that you are banging his chick when you are like the bra? And even if she is cheating on him (which is always the case), you are the last suspect. You chop her and afterwards drop her off at her boyfriend’s place (your bra). In fact, it is only in Windhoek where you can chop and at the same time advise her how great her boyfriend is. You tell her to stick with the guy no matter what. What the two of you do can be coated by the term friendship (with nxa benefits). But we all know that there is no friendship where there is pipi involved. That guy with one eye has zero protocol. He only stands on the protocol already observed. It is the spirit of Harambee here my broe.
So my brother busy working late and boasting about having a vaste in Windhoek, wake up and realise that she is on training. We have a little Osona Base here.
Let us make peace before I conclude this one. The same way you go hit on other guy’s chick and actually get it right, please be informed that we will do the same. Your woman in not exempted. Swallow your pride and at least move on knowing that there is at least someone just like you mining your land. And do not be selfish please. Let us all share equally. Generosity is a virtue.

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