Wednesday 14 April 2021
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Being single is the new freedom

Well, I am single, by choice, at least that’s what I say to make it sound like I am confidently happy about my life. But I am if you come to think about it because that the closest one can ever come to achieving happiness – being single.
I come from relationships with characters both good and bad, but mostly good. But it is mostly the good relationships that taught me that being single is just the best.
Now you might ask me why I’m celebrating being single even in the presence of beauties on the streets. This is what I will tell you. Being single is the only time you worry about fo*ol, but yourself.
You do not care about the number of SMSes in your inbox, their content and from whom and what time they were sent. It is the only time you are allowed to forget what you promised and said yesterday. It is the only time you are allowed to miss the shower and not be questioned. It is the only time you are allowed to get busy with everything.
It is the only time you are not obliged to send ‘good night, and ‘good morning’ texts. It is the only time you do not need to worry about being broke. And in fact, it is the only time you can have the company of more than one woman without having to explain.
Being in a relationship needs a kind of commitment on another level. This means you tell your mind and eyes that your woman is the best and you will only have eyes for her. But we all know it’s a lie. Relationships introduce the word ‘focus’ to you with another meaning.
The verb simply means your mind’s ability to explore alternatives out of the box becomes crippled and your central focus should be on one person and that person only. How selfish! So this mean you basically look at yourself in the mirror and say ‘fu*k you’, let’s go make that woman happy.
And do you know what; you will fail regardless of what you do to make her happy. You will never make a woman happy. In fact, I have never met a happy woman. It is a given that she will always find something to complain about. Its either about you being too good or why you phone battery is always full.
And just so you know, whenever your partner stares at you straight into your face without saying anything, he is not thinking anything good about your relationship. In his head, he is like – ‘how the f*ck did I get to imprison with the worst company like her.’
The problem with relationships is everyone is looking for a soul mate. Nobody gets a soul mate especially outside the perimeters of dreams. All you get is a mate – somebody you can have sex with by consent.
And you live everyday looking forward to the day you have intercourse. But of course there are a lot of unnecessary things you need to act to care about before getting the cookie. I just can’t work that hard.
And it you really think I am being all over the place, tell me privileges that people in relationships have that I don’t have – If not even in abundance? If its love, we all know that shit is a lie. If its support, I have siblings and family. If it’s sex, let’s not even go there. I have like a fruit salad taste of that. Everything couples have, I can have more of my choosing.
It’s the best thing to be single, but only when it’s by choice. Because, being single is like looking for a job you want. In the beginning, you are very picky because you have an idea of what and that you will not settle for just anything. Then you start filtering your ambitions and start asking your friends if they know anyone hiring.
Then you start taking maar a part time job to just do anything as long as it keeps you in the circle. Here, you just want the benefits regardless of the volume. As a result, humbled by life, you end up with something that you might just stare at and not say a thing. If you want to test this theory, just look at your friends who are in serious misplaced relationships. I’m sure you sometimes get to ask how they heck they met.
But while you celebrate being single and having all you want without a life audit, take note that you are the reason this world is just as screwed up. The reason you have 33-year old women who are single and as bored as fuck, it is because they enjoyed their single lives just too long. It’s fun but you do not need to stretch it for so long.
You will end up old, horny and God pray you don’t turn to little boys and girls. I know you are bad luck with finding your ‘soul mate,’ but while you rest, also start thinking about when you intend to settle down like normal people do. Otherwise, when it’s too late, all you will get is a mate and we will all wonder how the two of you are even an item.
Enjoy being single, but do not procrastinate growing up.

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