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Tuesday 23 April 2019
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Free advice from MfK

Today I’m in the mood of giving bad advice – for free. It is nothing specific but a couple of things I always wanted to say but was not sufficient to stand alone. I know MfK is not the type of friend you would want to listen to but sometimes even the fool makes sense. Today, you are getting advice from someone who thinks Tassenberg is the best wine. I surely have done a lot of things that put me in a position that enables me to predict your next mistake. So, we will try to balance things today and no one will be under the other.

I will start with my lost brothers who, except masturbation, are getting everything almost wrong.

Just like women have a price tag and expiry date, so do you. There comes a period in your life called maturity and how you respond to it determines whether you remain a boy or a man. Age is not just a number comrade. It is a timeline on how you should spend your life, productive.

So yes, there is time to be a player and time to become a bit responsible and be a father figure. You cannot be in your 40s and still be hunting high school girls or still be the first and last in Eveline Street. Are you sick in your head? If you won’t stop, someone will also come for your daughter. Mxxxm.

And while we are at it, stop it with this masturbating sh*t. That is why you suck in bed and women say you do not last longer than an angry fart. But this is why- when you masturbate, with whatever grip you use, your small penis gets familiar with a certain sensational friction as per the circumference of your hand. Poor Pipi.

So when some girl finally pities your libido thirst and gives you the opportunity, you pipi still thinks it’s the same hand and for that reason you cum within split seconds regardless of Kasape just being tickled. But also, whoever lied to you that the rek en trek exercise is healthy lied to you. With so many women around, how f*cking weak are you that you cannot get a woman? Really, there are so many for sale at the price of one Powerade. So get your priorities right because you are greasing our reputation.

And you moegoes who are afraid to approach women and complain later when they are in our beds must grow some balls of confidence. And do not tell me about some white man’s belief. Good thing do not come to those who wait. In fact, those who wait get what’s left by those who had the courage to take without any apology. So man up or I will take your dream girl without any apology.
There is a lot I wish to tell you but I will save it for another living day when we meet on the streets. I gotta keep the bro code.

Madams! We are not friends to start with so do not mistaken my generosity for any form of friendship. It’s enough hell you put us through by friend-zoning us. I hear there is now also a family-zone thing going on. Not fair enough.

Let’s start by saying men are like this 8-seater taxis. Just because he does not want to take you to Locky (Rocky Crest) does not mean you should go hiking for anything with wheels. Do not lower your standards just because of a passing bad breeze. Chill, another who deserves your N$10 will come and take you “tot by die huis”. That’s me trying to say things without insulting. And just and also, stop running after man with wheels, there is a reason trailers are always behind.

Bedroom relationships must fall. If the idiot cannot afford to walk with you in public or even take you to kapana on a Sunday morning, you are surely just a nighty. I do not know if you are just too accommodative in being made a fool of or you are just too bad luck with reality. These are the things that make you turn into side-chicks and you give women a bad name. Nee man shaishe.

This one is personally from a soft part in my belly and I learned it at some stage during Sunday school. I am tired by these girls who have long ignored me and all of a sudden I am an interest – just because I know Calle. But as the saying goes, ‘He who denies me in front of my poverty, I will deny them in front of my bank account.

This thing of only seeing people when they become better off must fall. And just so you know, in the history of all gold diggers, there has been no successful mother (and I mean true mother who will have children who know how to close their legs). By the time when you reach your expiry date, life will humble you and we will see you being a good advisor.

And lastly, you are never too smart neh. You see, your quickest way to becoming the public towel is by growing the abnormal belief that you are smarter than everyone. Such teenage tendencies should remain locked up your high school skirts.

I open the above points up for discussion. I know I pressed the wrong buttons but I care not to meet you after reading this. Until next time friends.

Sharpies…




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