Self-love is a concept of paramount importance to an individual’s identity but has been failed by many especially young and old women over the years. Many have hidden their true identity in search for something they find suitable from the other. This has created living souls devoid of self-confidence and with little or no sense of self-worth. Many women live in misery as tamper with their look, shade their natural colours, cover up their curves and look down on the shape, colour and skin within which they exist.
The battle of either surviving or winning self-love is won by a few who refuse to be defined by their size of their bodies and rather see it as a phenomenon of life. Song Night Ambassador Priscilla is a walking inspiration to many who are failing to make peace with whom and what they are. The 38-years old mother of two has kept her head high in the journey of life that is full of mirrors of criticism.
She lives with a resounding trademark – ‘Twice in size and extra nice’ – Pricilla is staying true to her confident spicy hot sounds in which the embraces her body. The ‘Malva Pudding’ queen shares her journey towards not only finding herself but loving her body.
“When I was growing up, I was tall. My body developed very quickly and I was so shy at school. I was too shy of what became of my body and I was totally destroyed. So I started hating myself. I did not like the body I was in. My mom was Coloured and my dad was Sotho so the mix was also just perhaps not right.
“With an attempt for me to understand what was going on, she called me to the mirror and told me that I am developing and it is a beautiful development.
I was perhaps too young to understand it. So when I went to high school, life got even tougher. Some of the girls were with boyfriends and I was all alone. I couldn’t understand when boys approached me because I knew I was too young and for the record I even still played with dolls. I was a late bloomer. Everything was just so slow but my body was quick. I couldn’t understand why and that’s why I hated my body.
“Then my aunt got cancer and both her breast were removed. This is where the journey started. I went on different diets. I wanted to be as skinny as it can be. I did not like the way my boobs came out as they did nor my figure. But I started questioning myself. Why am I so angry? Am I angry because I am developing quickly or is it because I don’t want this body? But, I want this body. I cannot get another body. And my mom told me that you either love what God gave you or be happy with it or you deteriorate. You let yourself go and die.
“I got married very early but I was still not myself. Because then I was just a wife and I used to live my life according to what other people expected me. I took care of my body as a person but I just went with the flow. I unfortunately got divorced and decided to find refuge in singing. “The words of my mother came back for me to seek myself. I then started writing my first song in which I had to be truthful to myself. I had to reflect on what I did wrong and what am I going to do going forward. So in the song I sang – ‘I used to live my life according to you and I did not find me’. I wanted to find myself. It was not my fault that I got this body. It is mine and I should perhaps start using it.
“Then my mother got cancer also when my aunt was in the final stage of cancer, she used to have this ritual in the morning. She would make herself look beautiful in the mirror and say “even if I don’t have breast’s, I am still beautiful.” So, these words came to me and I understood that I am beautiful and I am happy. I started loving myself. It is not an easy journey to become confident. It is not an easy journey to love yourself. I have a round button nose, but so what. I have big booty but so what? It is mine and only I can love it.
“I met Lize Ehlers who introduced me to the stage. I auditioned and everything went into place with appearances at Song Nigh. People loved my performances and asked why I did not start singing earlier. I wanted to share what I went through. People started contacting me asking how I get to carry my personality.
“My advice to them was that they should first create a relationship with God. Secondly, they should look in the mirror and look for something they love and embrace it. I mean, we as women are never satisfied and that is why men have trouble understanding us. It is difficult for men to go out with women with low self-confidence. Men do not have time to be pampering women all the time so it is our duty to love who we are and the skin we are in. For men it is difficult to date a woman with low self-confidence and on the other note men can also use the woman because you give him the power to manipulate you. When people don’t accept you for who you are, they are bullying you literally. I thus started telling women that they needed to love themselves before expecting others to love them. All of us are beautiful because we are created in the image of God.
“Personally, I love being plus-size because I know there is more of me. I know I can go into a shop and rock any outfit. I totally love the word because I am a giving person and I know that there is always more of me to give. “Women tend to look at what they have and compare. The minute you find yourself in that thought space, you are lost. Love yourself, what you see and do not compare yourself. There is no competition. We cannot all look the same.
There must be chubby, skinny, petite, girls who look like boys and all of us. We need to be there and understand that fact.
“For a woman to be confident you have to know where you are from but that does not define who you are or who you become. You still have to learn and still have to have goals and set yourself up to success. I do not need a man in my life to define me and that is key. You need to see yourself and see the value in you. As with me, I am a plus size and juicy girl. That is me. “Love what you have. Love what God gave you and embrace it. There is not competition and everybody have their space. My space is just bigger. Lol.”