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Sunday 18 August 2019
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Revelations of a social camouflage queen

cathy

Am I not good enough? They probably think I’m not cool anymore. I uploaded this selfie at 12h00 and 59 minutes later, I only got two likes. Well, I knew it was not cute enough, that’s why I even added that light flare filter… oh well, I’ll just delete it and uploaded a better one which is on ‘fleek’…
Sounds pathetic right? Well, that was me some time back, and I am not ashamed to admit it. As rapper B.O.B. said “the worst you can do is do it and not be man enough to admit it.”
I won’t lie, I liked the attention and getting as many followers just made me feel good and not getting as many likes made me feel like there was something wrong with me.
You may not realise it, but in this social media induced era it is common practice for one to get pathetically sucked in the world of social media standards. Being an introvert that I am never really helped me make friends in the day to day world so I found comfort in making friends in the virtual world. I made most of my friends online. The feeling of being able to connect to the outside world without having to actually go out and make friends suited the introvert me.
Being on social media gave me the power to be whoever I wanted to be. Socialising via social media platforms however came with its perks, like having the desire to look good online and come across as an interesting, fun, cool and “deep” person.  My mental perception became distorted and this led to my engagement in risky behaviours when I did not feel like I could measure up to the impossible goals set in front of me.
In the midst of this all, I forgot to take into account that a lot of the selfies, snapchat stories, videos and posts that I was seeing on social media especially from the brands and celebrities were orchestrated. It was not real life and I can bet you 50 shots were taken just to upload one perfect picture. But then again that didn’t matter, the more followers I got, the more I pretended to be someone that I’m not. I felt like the more ‘likes’ I got, the more I feel like I’m good enough.
It’s actually saddening how social media has turned into a platform where people evaluate their self-worth by how many likes or followers they have. Whoever said that the need for mankind’s approval kills freedom wasn’t wrong. Trust me, I spent most of my life seeking approval and it nearly destroyed me. Several times later, and after hundreds and thousands self insults, I realised that seeking for approval was a waste of time and it didn’t work out anyway. For those who find themselves in a similar situation that I was in, this is what I have to tell you – trying to please everyone will definitely not lead to contentment.
Your worth is not measured by the number likes, comments or number of followers. A million likes will never be enough if you don’t like yourself. I learnt it the hard way. If you are one of those that are trying to navigate through life and struggling to discover your self-worth and identity, I tell you this, the need to impress, please and compare yourself to other people will lead to self-loathing. What I’ve learnt is that happiness does not come from pleasing people. It comes from feeling content with yourself. The quicker you grasp this, the better.I know it may sound crazy but just press pause and soak it all in. Take time to get in touch with your true self. You will soon realise that no amount of ‘likes’ would ever equate to your worth because you know what, you’re greater than a ‘like’ on Facebook because the right people will love your perfect imperfections.




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