The only thing that has ever saved me, the only thing that has ever kept me going is my passion for writing; it has always been a blessing in disguise for me. Ever since the dawn of my academic years I have always been a brilliant learner. It was until matrix that I came to realise what I was really destined for. I remember when I spilled that I wanted to take on communications and everyone was taken aback. All I could hear was ‘but you are not vocal’ and some would suggest I take a different turn. But every time someone would say something against my decision there was always a small voice inside of me that said, ‘This is what you love. No amount of terrible thoughts can take that away from you. This is your passion, keep going.” And when depression comes and it comes often, it derails me. But it does not defeat me. Not anymore. Never again!
So when my mind had twisted my thinking into throwing in a towel and a hopeless blank stare, I took the one tiny ember of hope left inside of me and prayed that something would come of it. I knew deep inside that more than anything, I still wanted to live my passion. I still had a childlike sense of wonder in my eyes and an insatiable curiosity that couldn’t be extinguished. I wanted to know what would come of my life, if anything and I wanted to see if I could actually live my life and someday proudly look back and say ‘I made it’. I have now reached a point where there is no chance that the demons in my head are going to ruin my life again. There is no chance that I’m going to hand over the control I have over my life now to a mind that doesn’t know what it wants. There is no chance on earth that anyone, including me, is getting in the way of what I want my life to look like.
I have a passion for something that I know I want and I can take whatever direction on my terms. But I had to own that. I had to take the ups and downs that came with that. I had to take responsibility for creating that. And so do you buddy. If you can accept that where you are today in your life is something that you have created and are 100% responsible for, then you can begin to understand that you have the power to change it, to create something different and to do whatever it is that you want. The sad truth is whatever point you find yourself and where you are today is a result of your choices. The thing is, you’re either happy with your current situation or you are not. You either want to change the way things are or you don’t. There’s no middle ground here. There is no maybe, perhaps, someday or I don’t know. If you’re happy, great! Keep doing what you’re doing. If you are not, the time to start changing is upon you. It’s high time you decide it’s time to act.
I think we all have something like this.Something that, even if we were in the hospital or caught in whatever situation we would continue to work on, or at least roll around in our mind. And sometimes our passions are concealed over the years by what we think we’re supposed to do, or what society tells us to do, but somewhere, deep down, the spark never leaves us. It’s there, just waiting for us to blow on the ember gently and fan the flames into something great.